suss her out

2010-10-23T11:15:00.000-07:00

Well I don't know if I'm okay or not... Was talking to my love earlier today and I just realised that I'm pretty weird - In a way.

Since young, I've always liked the idea of torturing animals and find great pleasure in seeing them in such a state. The feeling is hard to describe. You are on top of the world when you torture, see them in pain make me grin in delight.

As sick as that might sound, but that's also the fact. Many things I've experienced so far, with more wild imaginations at hand and I must say sometimes I disturb people by my shocking revelation.
Some too outrageous, I decline to tell ANYONE what I've had in my mind.

Nowadays its just the pleasure to torturing animals, specifically insects.
I would not harm cats, dogs, or any form of pets myself as I find it too gruesome to handle.
Never a human being, of course.

Strangely, I am easily disturbed with pictures of others abusing vulnerable puppies/kittens but never angered. Seeing the people beating dogs to death for their fur wasn't particularly a favorite scene.

When I see an insect, I squirm. I hate insects and whenever I see an insect, I'll do harm to it.
Be it burning the insect alive, leaving it for a few seconds completely crawling or pulling one by one of its legs while it is still alive. I don't kill anything beautiful, though. I will less likely pull the wings of a pretty butterfly but wouldn't say no to doing the same thing to a dull moth.
I would dissect an ant's or any insect's abdomen away from its body, leaving it to run recklessly in pain - I hope.

Then there is the live animal cooking. I'm easily excited if I see a fish being fried on its body (but with it's existing breathing head) and amused by it's life torture. Or if I see a fish being sliced alive while I eat it's flesh, that would most likely be the food/restaurant I would say it's my favorite.

I'll never abuse cats, dogs, and pets. If I find the subject too much of a beauty and cuteness, I will never abuse such things. Only ugly looking insects.

I'll just have to make sure these insects don't come haunting me on my graveyard - which I think they most probably will

Bang Bang!!

2010-09-17T22:03:00.000-07:00

Hey my darling readers,

During my previous weekend, did some really fun stuff and guess where I went?
Shooting! That's right! Me and friends; Stefan, Tom and a few others when shooting at the National Gun Club. Was located really far away in deep forests of Lim Chu Kang area and it was grounds for shooting!

I was told later that I was going to start shooting with a shotgun. Sounds easy? Just pull the trigger and that's it? WRONG. For a start, we had a briefing with our gun instructors what to do with the guns etc. It was pretty engaging and informative like how dangerous the shotguns were. FYI, anyone can come and have gun lessons, but starting price is at $65 per head for a 1 hour session. Not cheap..

Gotta know from some of my fellow girlfriends there, that the members of the gun club are usually VVIP people. I looked around the area, yeah there were a few ordinary looking people running around, then my friend whispered "They're all multi-millionaires".

Ok, that explains all that luxury cars outside the parking lot! - smacks head.

And overall.......... I SHOT 5 BUNNIES!! (well not real one but replicas that you just throw in the air and try to shoot it). I kinda sucked, pfft.

Still need help

Me and Stefan

The Gang

Still get to shoot 5 bunnies though! :)

2010-09-01T07:52:00.000-07:00

Black or white?

Will u look at what we were?

Whether wrong or right No one can tell Whatever it takes

The reason to believe you I won't let go Holding onto innocent meaning

Sunset boulevard Don't fade away Let's take a walk in the dark Sunset boulevard

Let's make belief All the water was written in your heart

In Trance, We Trust!

2010-08-24T07:51:00.001-07:00

I've recently feel the need to express myself more so I guess blogger will be my best alternative!

I've always been a fan of House, Electro House, Trance and Lounge Music. There's just so much energy in them and I'd rather be plugging in that early in the morning compared to listening to stale Chris Brown or Lady Gaga. So commercialized and even if I'm at a party, it's house music baby... Although, I will admit a little bit of Gaga is fine.. lol.

Ok so here we go. Introducing the amazing Armin Van Buuren & Paul Oakenfold.

Currently 2 of my Fav tracks. I just kinda like Vocal Trance.. Far more exciting!

I just feel amazingly out of this world and literally having Eargasm.. hahaha.

Cheers to Trance, House and Party Music!

Enjoy!

Dezarate & Michael Manzano - Soul Is In The Air

Lange Ft. Emma Hewitt - Live Forever

2010-08-23T08:08:00.000-07:00

Hello lovelies!

I am back!!! Been MIA pretty much because I am UBER BUSY!! Work, work.. Projects, projects....

Clients, clients... Didn't even have enough time to watch Gossip Girl for heaven's sake..

Recently however, I just got my time back and managed to watch all my GG series because I kinda broke up.. With 2 of my lovers. Yeah, kinda bad... My life is kind of scandalous (*lol) but i figured it would be too narcisstic of me to describe every single inch of my life.. hahah plus, not sure if you guys can digest it well! :P

So now, I AM SINGLE!!! Well actually I've always been, albeit a little preoccupied.....

No man drama (but I think it was more of my drama :X )

But least I'm free to go fishing again without worrying there's too much fish in the basket..!

ANYWAY, back to blogging....... Recently I've been browsing through Facebook etc and I'm shocked to see sometimes, really young parents! I know I have friends too getting pregers etc, but as long as they're happy it's fine. But what made me shocked are actually NOT my friends but just couple of people I've seen in Facebook (jeez, thank you public profiles!).......

16 mother to be and 18 year old dad! Typical but not my cup of tea......... I mean I have no issues with sex, but c'mon don't you at least wear protection, or pull out?? 0.o

And I might sound naggy too but seriously, here I am working my ass off meeting clients

(and they're not always fun!) with tonnes of responsiblities and STRESS..

I can hardly give myself 100% financially (ok maybe I'm too much of a spendthrift -.-)

- what more a kid! Unless of course my baby daddy is some anak datuk with millions to spare (which is highly unlikely, haha)

But anyway, I've seen many too living happily with their partners for a long time, successfully bringing their kids up and I really respect that. As long as you're happy..

Just not my choice of lifestyle though. I wanna go to University.. Party my tits off.. Travel my ass off... Date sooo many princes and then making a huge MCQ quiz to choose my #1 <----- JK!!

k see. I am so not fit to get married/have kids/commit.

lol

k bye

xoxo

2010-06-22T06:11:00.000-07:00

Religion is just a form of control created by mankind before civilisation.

Or so I thought, "God" was fair. Then why the need of different religions?

Meaning to say we'll ALL go to "hell" just because we're born into a different religion?

Spare me.

Seriously, leave the preaching for your own.

- confused/angry/annoyed/can't be bothered.

Internet Lover VS Real Life Lover

2010-05-01T10:42:00.000-07:00

I know you might think this is odd, but in this 21st century nothing is impossible.

I met a guy exactly the same as my internet soulmate.

His looks, his character, his ability to make music beautiful.......

Exactly the same as my greecian internet lover.

I know this might sound naiive as to why can fall for a guy over the net, someone who lives thousands of miles away and someone I have never met in life before. We met through the internet 3 years ago and still have so much love for him.

We dream of each other, make sweet promises, see each other online and can't help but to blush everytime I see him. Least I know the feeling's mutual. I've even arranged plans to audition twice for Singapore Airlines to be an air stewardess, however I couldn't get through. I have no other choice but to save up money to visit him in Greece and I still am saving for it.

I'm pretty sure I wil go there one day and I've made a promise to myself for that. We've made a promise too that even though we might be married when we meet or with someone, we'll go for each other no matter what because the feeling is just too strong.

I love him so much and the feeling will never ever change, just as it has always been for the last 3 years. I've made a promise that I will definitely visit him and go to Greece. I will go to Greece.

Now, like I said, I met a guy EXACTLY like my internet lover. His looks were somewhat similar and how he serenaded me with his guitar like my internet lover was just so similar.

Maybe we're just meant to be.

2010-03-09T06:42:00.000-08:00

So confusing when you have a string of affairs.....

I just don't know which one to choose!

Can't I just keep them all?

:-/

Evil on Earth

2010-02-17T06:46:00.000-08:00

As usual I went about googling random stuff (it started with reading up about World's most evil women).

I have read about Hungary's Countess Elizabeth Bathory who killed almost all of her female servants by torturing them to death and yes, bathed in their blood to regain her beauty.

And even Vlad III "The Impaler" from Romania who killed thousands of his own people by impaling them (even pregnant women!). Then of course these incidents happened during the Dark Ages, amidst the popularity of owning a slave; who, most often, are regarded lower than animals.

However, one story caught my attention as to how cruel people can get, especially when accompanied with a privellaged status.

The story is set in 1800s; New Orleans, United States of America.

There once lived a rich aristocrat by the name of Delphine LaLaurie. Twice widowed, this demure-looking lady had a talent of hiding what lied beneath, a horrible and twisted monster filled with insanity.

When a fire broke out in LaLaurie's Spanish-inspired mansion, all hell broke loose.

What lied uncovered for many years in the mansion's attic was the results of the beast that lied beneath the beautiful, porcelained skin and soft spoken lady.

Delphine LaLaurie had tortured her slaves in the most brutal form one can ever imagine.

What filled the dark attic was disfigured slaves, abused in the most horrific techniques - some were even clinging on to dear life despite it looking so bleak and dark.

I cannot imagine how it will be like if I were one of the fire fighters witnessing the scene of tortured human, what more be one of the slaves subjected to such inhumane acts!

Imagine this; sewn lips in which inside the mouth lies animal secretions (faeces etc). Eyeballs pulled out to leave hanging and head drilled to insert a metal rod which acted like a "stirrer" to stir their very own brain - all while still very much alive.

Arms and limbs forcefully detached, thereafter sewn back to resemble a "Human Crab" and even without limbs and skin grafted to look like a caterpillar.

SOME OF THE SLAVES DISCOVERED BY THE FIRE FIGHTERS WERE VERY MUCH ALIVE, BEGGED TO BE KILLED.

Nonetheless, the cold blooded devil managed to escape the authorities, even angry neighbours and protestors who waited outside her house and had planned to publicly hang her for her devious acts.

However, life is cruel. She sprang for her life one day after running into her carriage with her family - never to be seen again. Some said she fled to France, others said she lived in the outskirts of Louisiana.

There were rumors that she died during a hunt, supposedly by a wild boar. I only hope she died alone with no one around, her body strewn all over the ground by the angry beast that was once very much dominant in her. Some said she died of natural causes with her family by her side.

The reality is, everyone dies. Whether we are going to heaven or hell, one will never know until it happens. What we can do now is to imagine it based on our faiths.

The reality is, there are monstrous beasts out there whether you like it or not. It is nurture that brought along evil.

I was watching The Lovely Bones the other day and I was mesmerised by the digital effects, the story and the divine, magical aspects of the whole story. One cannot help but to cry at the sight of distraught families and torn souls. One cannot help but to fill themselves up with so much hatred at the evil man who murdered the innocent and once bright little girl.

Yet we all have to think, what if we come across a person so evil and heartless that pure hatred fills our souls? Why is it that the very thought of picturing the person dicapitated, in the most horrific state, brings about a rather peculiar satisfaction that we most often usually deny? Does that make us evil, in a way?

Read the history: Delphine LaLaurie and her full account of horrific murder

Future and dream home (winks!) @ Holland V!

2010-02-11T07:23:00.001-08:00

I have been thinking about having my own place for a while. Of course at this age not a two-storey penthouse yet, but I'm looking of more on a 1 master/ common bedroom option. Preferably somewhere near the CBD and of a budget of less then $1000 monthly max.

I have been searching through property gurus and there was a lot of choices to start with. Asking price of $750, condominium, without tenants (they are away I believe) which was quite reasonable.

About time I actually stand on my own feet and start living on my own and be independent.

What I notice about Singaporeans is that they all tend to live with their parents even at the age of 30! Unbelievable. I mean of course, I have no issues staying with my parents but I would like to be able to start to live on my own and really be independent and start paying for bills etc as I believe this will build on the growing up experience :)

However, this will not happen any time sooner.... Perhaps when I'm more stable with work as what they are offering me is quite substantial and I would be able to afford a rented room/house.

You know everytime I go to work, I will pass by Holland V because office is situated at Bukit Timah (far, I know. But not gonna be an excuse for me to work). And I have pass by this condo many times and I have to tell you, it was like love at first sight!!!!!!!!!

I love this penthouse!!!! CHECK IT OUT. the name is Botanika, Holland Village by the way :)

Nice Spiral staircase

I am TOTALLY in love with this view!!!!

Large balcony to have BBQ with friends/families

That view after climbing the stairs

Master bedroom

Nice toilet

Master bedroom view

From balcony (I hope no CIK PON playing around the trees at night!!!)

NICE!!!!!!!!!!!

My dream AND Future home! hehehe

price tag was scary shit though....

RENTAL: $18,000.00 (Per Month)

Sale: $4,350,000.00

Photos courtesy of: http://propertyguru.com.sg

How to live without you?

2010-02-11T05:36:00.000-08:00

Currently addicted to : Tell me how am I supposed to live without you - Michael Bolton.

Tears me up everytime...................

2nd day of work - All going well, learning fast and going for meetings and appointments with clients. I really feel like I will enjoy this work compared to the previous one. This is really the chance for me to show my talents that I have been dying to show.

My new designation: Business Development Executive (Marketing & Advertising).

Finally! A designation that I can be proud of :D

and I miss Jimmy soooo soooooooo much!!!

I cannot wait to jump back in his arms !

I miss you so, so much.

He's been so busy these few weeks, its absurd.

He wasn't in Singapore because he was in Europe...

Then of course, I have other friends to spend time with.

Been thinking of having lunch with JJ to celebrate my new job, but I'm unsure. Should I?

There was still some shards of feelings stuck there and it's crazy how things were after we broke up. Still sad, still talk about him too fucking much when I'm with others.... It's like an episode of not being able to get over my ex ............. :((((

From what I saw JJ's body language, he's uncomfortable for whatever reasons. Well I'm not going to dwell this any longer. I really have to move on !!!

P.S. JJ, I still have Zulu by the side of my bed.............................

I LOVE GOOGLE CHROME!

2010-02-08T08:32:00.000-08:00

I have been using Google Chrome for a while now after switching to the all-crashing IE and the ever overprotected and overly updated Firefox.

I tell you, its the best decision made!

I absolutely love it!

It's fast, its reliable, there's no bug, no crashing and I swear by it.

Downloading stuff is easy and super fast and whenever it does crash (very rarely)

there will be a pop-up box saying "Kill Pages" and with a freaking cute photo! lol

but the efficiency is very good because when that ever happens, i just click ignore and within 5 seconds later page is back per normal.

and YES!

You can customize your browser!

Mine's a Porshe design by the way ;-)

LOOK AT HOW COOL IT IS

PLUS, you can just add any search or word in the website column and it directs you to Google's search engine! Presto!

(Please click to see how uber cool it is)

My collection of Porsche cars and this is the cool layout every time I open a new tab.

Look! a Porsche!!

Here I type Ibiza (Must-go) at the website column

And taa-daa! Googled Ibiza too!

This is uber cool! Layout by Google Chrome itself

Different other nice options (a lot more)

And these by artists!! Scroll below and there's even Britney Spears!

Pity they didn't have a Daniel Craig though.

P.S. if you want the google chrome browser, just google:

Download Google Chrome

XOXOX

GOODNIGHT!

2010-02-08T06:35:00.000-08:00

Finally, I secured a new job as a Marketing & Advertising Executive!

All again, its back to Square one.... And I'm so excited about it!

This time I will make sure I put all my best in performing!

I really, really wanna enrol for Mandarin Language school and perhaps Spanish!

All for upgrading baby.

All the better to look impressive on my future CV....

After all, one quarter of the world speak spanish and same for Chinese.

What's more China is obviously booming and in terms of business, it will be very beneficial if I know the language.

As for Spanish?

Spain, Brazil, South America. These are the countries I want to travel to one day.

And with the ability to converse in Spanish, all the better right?

I am intrigued by language and would love to learn it!

2010-02-04T20:18:00.000-08:00

Good Afternoon lovelies!

Another day, a new beginning!

Currently at home back from exercising.

This is great because I don't get to workout in the morning when I was working.

Now that they are no events, I'm doomed. Gotta find some things to do other than FB-ing.

or Youtubing. Seriously, it rots your brain :S

So anyway, I received a phone call yesterday and guess what? I have an interview!

Woooohoooo! About time! I was getting abit guilty with not doing anything productive :P

Plus my paycheck just came in ! and yeay! $$$$$

Ok, I've gotta go now and iron my clothes put on make up and practice my speech.

Ich libbe dich!

Sayonara!

2010-02-01T10:23:00.001-08:00

It happened again.
I just feel miserable, yet contempt & confused.
Have you ever tried to look down from tall buildings wondering how it's like if you fell?

I have.

I'm not saying i'm getting all suicidal here for something I don't even know is happening.
But I just wonder how its like to fall, spreading your arms and feel yourself being freed in the air.

But there's the consequence - Kabloom!
You're dead. Smashed like a watermelon. And you see your body there.

This is scary, I've seen death so many times in my dreams. I am horrified.
Once I dreamt I was in an accident and then I saw my friend and the taxi driver dead.
I saw they're souls being extracted by an unknown force from their bodies.
And I was there, looking. Feeling half alive/dead, I dunno was kind of hard to describe.

Then, a group of black figures (ok imagine those Harry Potter black ghosts you saw at the Prisoner of Azkaban) coming near me... Then they pause. One looked to me and said, "Your soul is not accepted," .................

OMG. That happened like freaking years ago but i remembered clearly how it was.
Thank god it was a dream....................................

I dunno, my feeling are just like all over the place.

One moment I'm jumping about all jubilant.
Then the next time I'm reading the news and I get all fed up and feel like crying.
I need to do something here..........

:(

Chicken Soup for the Bored Soul

2010-01-30T21:44:00.000-08:00

Ok the photo was random...

I just miss my old long hair... Stupid me go and cut it shorter :( :(

So I'm really planning to dye it blonde-ish brown again.

Since me and Jimmy are not gonna see each other in a while, I'd rather surprise him =)

And I remembered like half the time I was in my blonde hair, people thought I was actually Eurasian (lol). Well now that my hair is dark in color, they think I'm Indonesian! hahaha....

So I'm really wishing for this week's weekend to pass by really fast... (I'm in dire need of my paycheck!) and I have been doing nothing but watching online shows, snacking on junk food and worrying constantly about the tonnes of worries I have in my mind.

Someone please pass me the chill pill. hahaha.

Can't wait for next week... I'm meeting up my friends for catch ups! :)

I need hugs, I need kisses from them. Terrible week this week.

But I hope things get better.

Jimmy told me, " 2010 is going to be great,"

And I'm glad it is going to be.

Away and alone.....

2010-01-30T02:08:00.000-08:00

I'm just feeling a little blue...

So this afternoon I was watching Keeping up with the Kardashians and I totally forgot about my handphone.... Went and prepare for lunch etc and then I received a text message.

I didn't realise it until at 3:30pm - coffee, Schkoplaetzen (Chocolate in German) ? (Text message was @12pm)

It was Jimmy!!! But I remembered he had a company event and so I replied. Sadly, the event will commence at 6 so looking at my watch, there was no way I was going to make it on time..... :(

Grrrr.... When was the last time I met him? Ages ago!! And he won't be in Singapore tomorrow and next week either.. He'll be around only after CNY?? and then off again overseas... -.-"""""

Timing....

I remembered how it was like with JJ too... He was overseas like always and grr can't stand the feeling...

:( :( :(

A rock off my chest

2010-01-28T09:17:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's an Aquarius thing, to feel so detached with people whom you're so close with.

It's funny. I can never dream of such loving relationships filled with rosy "I love you"s or "I love you soo sooo much"s.

It's sad.... Then again, throughout my half year relationship with JJ, never had I announced the words "I love you" to him... But the love I had for him, no words can describe.

I'm starting to fall for Jimmy. But this is what happens when the person you love/like is always away overseas for work etc. I understand everything thats happening and the responsibilities he has to put up for. This is work and this is life. I guess its more of a long distance thing and I did that with JJ too.... It can be challenging, trust me. Mom, I know how you feel too.

But what else can I do? I can't complain..... What I can do is distract myself by keeping myself busy with work and friends and etc. I'm just not the type who would cringe at the thought of the person I love be away for a month or so. Perhaps SMSses thrice or even none throughout the week. I can't say I enjoy it... Maybe to prepare myself for the more tumultuous future, perhaps?

Currently, there are more than long distance things that's bothering my mind... Far more bigger issues, that I hope isn't true at all..... Work.....Finance.... Studies.... Ambiguousness.....

Ok it's late, I have to turn in now. Good night.

P.S. Reading older posts really makes me laugh so hard. But I will not delete any one of them unless necessary. After all, they're like the bits of old photos you still keep when you were still in diapers etc- memories.

Update! Vacation again? :D

2010-01-24T07:54:00.000-08:00

Hey guy, how have you been? I'm good thank you. Just feeling a little ambiguous over state of matters.

Firstly, my job. Previously I was an Events Coordinator for my company. The pay isn't so amazing when I was on Full-Time, but when I was converted to freelance (Fire burning really bad here), god knows how tight and dizzy I am. Initially I was planning on saving it for my degree, but with that minuscule amount I'm being paid, I doubt so. Entertainment is important for my well-being and I spend almost 50% on lifestyle, food and beverage, transport, food etc. Another 50% on shopping (does the guilty face). It's even worst when I'm out travelling....

I've talked to Dad again about the internship in KL. Apparently, I'm planning to pursue an internship with my uncle's company (very prominent company) so that I can put it in my CV for future Media related work. I know what I want and do in my life already. All I need is the planning.... But I'm still debating on whether to pursue the Bachelor of Arts in Media Communications here in Singapore (MDIS) or KL (Limkokwing Uni).....

Whatever the cases, for sure if something good and promising pops by I'll chance by it.

My plan in life is to be in the Public Relations sector, Marketing or Media Communications. I have so much plans in my life and all of them consists of me being successful. I don't want to stray and do something I do not want to do and take care of a baby or get married and live a boring life by the time I'm 30.......

Anyway, was planning to head out to Phuket again this March. Planning to go with my lovely Shy and cousins.... I need a holiday badly....... ! Beach, sun, sand... They're my best friends...

I miss Phuket.

@ Sheraton Hotel (With like 90% French women basking their nipples under the sun).

Love this dog! Enjoying the sun and the waves crashing on him!

This cute boy was flirting with me while I was out eating breakfast alone!

My cousin waited for a year to take a shot at this frame! lol

Trust me, the hottest transvestites you can ever lay your eyes on!

2010-01-23T08:37:00.001-08:00

There's so many things I want to say.

Mind is in a whirlwind like always. I guess I will be popping more pimples soon.

First and foremost, I still love you so much. The feeling is even worst after I discovered the truth.

Had I known, I sould have done something to prevent it from happening. I could have been in my fairytale dream now......

Secondly, I'm falling for you. I see so much potential between us but I don't know what to do. I have to lock my heart behind the glass doors or else I know if something wrong happens, it will shatter really bad. Are you one of the many love chapters? Or are you going to be a whole new book? My heart is already starting to feel so fragile, I'm afraid.

Thirdly, there's something about you I have to know about. I feel so alive and chirpy when I'm with you, it's addictive. We're nothing serious, perhaps just an item to keep each other company. I'm not putting all hopes up high for you, but I can't help to feel so hypnotized by your charms. Your smile, your warmth - It's starting to be addictive to me.

Three men and a lady... It's complicated.

2010-01-22T23:15:00.000-08:00

Hello Readers!

I met JJ again, and there was just so many things running around my head when I see him. He might not be as bashful or good looking but he's the best guy I've ever met. When I was with him, I realised I had taken alot of things for granted and I feel so disappointed with myself for that.

Now when I'm not with him, flashbacks after flashbacks rewind in my head and I miss them so much :(

After meeting up with his friends and catching up with them, I found out the real reason as to why we had broken up (Not going to tell in details)........ Anyway, it doesn't matter. I just hope he's happy.

I'm dating a wonderful guy at the moment. He's really great (a fellow Libra, we get along well together!!) and I feel alot for him as well.

But I don't know. It's Fifi after all.... Men come and go I guess......

Xoxox

The Start of a New Year

2009-12-30T21:43:00.000-08:00

Gosh, how time flies. It's the 31st December 2009 now.... Exactly 2 pm.

Just another 10 more hours to 2010!!!

I'm gonna watch the fireworks at Marina Bay, so expect heaps of fun! Teee heee

My Australian babies Mel and Yan is going to be here in Sing too!!!! YAYYYY.

======== Christmas 2009 =============

So me, Yan, Andre and Yati and Didier were down for the Christmas Dinner.

Just some nice company, and nice time together.

Had heaps of laughter and fun with my stupid Aussie baby Azyan....

That was until she had to leave early because she had to go off immediately to KL after our time together =( booo yan!

So anyway, as you can see, I made a teddy bear treasure box for my good friend Andre.

Was a bit messy :P but hey it was cute!

I really didn't want to get the typical Christmas presents that is just plain and conventional without much thought put on it.

Andre is a very good friend of mine who has been there for me whatever the cases.

So, i decided to get a mini-him teddy bear!!

Went of to Art Friend to get the wooden box, which I thought could have been useful to fill it with his tie or cuff-links of whatever loose things.

And painted it with many cute-cute drawings!! hahahaha and last but not least a Christmas card I coloured and made myself. Was pretty personal but you know me, I like things that are out of the norm and genuine at the same time :)

And as for my ever signature naked-me painting (hahahaha) I had that done as a Christmas present for Jimmy :)

Was pretty similar to the painting I gave to JJ except here was the full figured, naked lying women painting.

The medium was oil on canvas (freaking difficult to paint!) and with my signature colors, blue and black.

Woman was painted in monochrome colors whereas the surrounding was aqua blue.

It's simple but striking :-P

Wokay I gotta go now. See you in 2010! ;-)

I HATE SINGLISH!!!

2009-12-17T04:42:00.000-08:00

I don't know what the hell is wrong with these aunties/singlish-spoken people.

Story goes like this:

I order PLUM juice... -

ME: " Aunty, 1 PLUM (PL-AAMM) juice. "

Aunty: "Ok."

* The next thing you see its a yellow colored drink ( WTF??!! Lime juice?!) in front of you.

FOR GOODNESS SAKE, THIS DID NOT HAPPENED JUST ONCE!

It's everywhere! When I say PLUM, with the most american/brit accent I could fake, but no....

I get LIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Obviously, in the singlish dictionary.
Pronounciation is as follows:

LIME = (singlish) LUM [laaam]
PLUM = (singlish) PUM [paaaaam]

How English is meant to sound like:

LIME = (proper English) LIME [lymmme] / [laai-mmmmm]
PLUM = (proper English) PLUM [puh-lummm] / [pl-ammm]

I do not wish to be a snob (considering I am singaporean), but please!!! Plum juice is one of my favourite juice and bloody hell! How can LIME juice and PLUM juice stand anywhere close!!!!!!!

Singapore, we really need to get rid of Singlish! It's bloody annoying!!!!!!!!!

2009-12-08T04:31:00.000-08:00

I can't stand it any longer.
It's time to grow and go towards the path I want to choose, and not what others choose for me.

2009-11-03T04:44:00.000-08:00

I still miss JJ so so much.... Sad to say.

Missed F1 = Fuck!

2009-10-19T08:27:00.001-07:00

Ok, I'm upset.

I missed the exhilirating Formula 1 race at Sao Paolo!!! =(
I just stayed up late hearing to my friends' comments over fucking chat =(

I wanted to see the action! The adrenaline!!
How Alonso crashed and Barrichello punctured his tyres...
And how Button won the World Championship!!!
Even though he was way behind!!!! =@

I'm getting that mio box thingy, period.

HUMAN??!

2009-10-18T09:29:00.000-07:00

Fuck off...................................
I just watched Dara... Indonesian gore movie.....
So gory, was about a demented family practicing cannabilism as a sort of ritual for their immortality.

It's a good show though... Albeit a little too bloody.
I'd say a nice try at copying the typical American gore movies.... Minus the sex of course.

As such, I was so disturbed by the whole movie and I decided to google...

"Taste of Human Flesh"

and.............. FUCK OFF

http://www.churchofeuthanasia.org/e-sermons/butcher.html

I came across this website describing in perfect detail of how to prepare a human feast -literally.

" Skinning: After removing the head, wash the rest of the body down. Because there is no major market for human hides, particular care in removing the skin in a single piece is not necessary, and makes the task much easier."

WHAT THE FUCK.
Click on that STUPID link.

I'm still bewildered as to how FUCKING SICK some "people" can be........................

I will survive!

2009-10-17T11:12:00.000-07:00

Probably foolish of me to think I'm very lonely.

I've got tonnes of girlfriends and friends.

I will survive!

Hence the change of the music on my blog....

Before: Break Up Redemption

Now: Romance Redemption.

Oh well I love the songs anyway.......

Fly me to the moon by Julie London and So Nice by all-time fav, Diana Krall.

Have a great weekend lovelies!

Extra To-do list

2009-10-16T09:27:00.000-07:00

There's lots of things I have to do.......

LOSE WEIGHT.
I will have to really watch what I'm eating, exercise every morning before I go to work.
I know I look slim, but I CAN be healthier.

Clean my room...... I know this is embarrasing but I have a problem.....
I keep planning of what to do but when it comes to doing it, I can never learn to prioritise....
(this is really worrying me...I have such bad self-discipline.. I tend to give too much face to myself... What about work? Business in the near future?!)

Find myself a new boyfriend? (lol)
* Been staying single too long (before JJ of course) and now dying to spread the remaining love

And among all others

xoxoxox

Lonesome Fool

2009-10-16T08:26:00.000-07:00

" There are times you may be surrounded by people, but you know deep in you're walking through the pathway on your own......"

I have been feeling rather lonely these days.

I know I have friends I can talk to....... but I guess sometimes not everyone is free.......

Been wanting to talk to someone over coffee, drinks, whatever...

But they're busy, overseas, busy or spending time with their lovers....

So, I just end up going home feeling rather disappointed... or just shopping on my own..

Have no idea how many times I have been stranded on my own....

It's when you're somewhere on your own and you know company is on their way soon..

You decide to go on your own first...

Thinking you will make some friends along the way, like you always do

You make friends, yes, but then they will start to leave to go back... or join their friends..

You're just there alone!

and what's worst is when the friend totally stand you up.

(I can understand and I apologise the ones with valid reason..)

At a place that holds too many memories......................

It's just too painful but you have to grit your teeth and be strong.

Alas, didn't take me long to go back anyway....

I hope I'm not losing my charisma and personality!!!!!!

I remembered having such great times with others even when at times I'm all alone!

Whats happening to me??? =( I think I've lost my mojo................

=( =( =(

Been feeling so glum... Like, all the time..........

Always thinking about the same damn thing....

I hate this feeling =(

I want the old suffi =( =( =( =(

I miss JJ...... alot .....

Accuracy? : 98.5%

2009-10-12T08:59:00.000-07:00

Aquarius Strength Keywords:

- Witty

- Clever

- Humanitarian

- Inventive

- Original

Aquarius Weakness Keywords:

- Stubborn

- Unemotional

- Sarcastic

- Rebellious

- Aloof

Aquarius and Independence:

Aquarius personality is very independent, any attempt to hold them down or restrict them will cause them, to flee. They need to be free to be on their own. Independence is not just desired by Aquarius, it is essential to their well being.

Aquarius and Friendship:

Beneath the detached, unemotional exterior lies a kind hearted friend that will go out of their way to help another. They love to make people laugh and cheer people up and it makes them feel good to make others feel good. They do not expect anything in return for this could put a damper on their freedom, they live with no strings attached. They are very unconventional and always full of excitement, an Aquarius friend always makes life fun. They might offer you a spontaneous last minute camping trip with no supplies prepared, if you decide to go along, you will have a weekend to remember forever!

Aquarius and Business:

Aquarius likes to do something useful with their lives, mixing that with their amazing way with people, they make excellent politicians and social workers/psychologists. They are progressive thinkers and are great at forming new ideologies and theories, any type of research is very suited to Aquarius.

Aquarius one downfall in the business world is the attention to detail, they like the grand ideas and massive plans and can make them happen, but the mundane day to day repetitive details causes them to procrastinate. Aquarius needs a secretary.

Aquarius and Temperament:

Aquarius tend to be rebels just for the sake of having their own way. Their stubbornness sometimes causes their failure, they will continue to do something their way even though others have proved it is wrong, they are very smart people and know it is wrong but they will continue just because it is their way, they are very fixed in opinion and stubborn when confronted. Despite their stubbornness and fixed opinion, they will never impose their ideas on others, they have respect for everybody's differences.

Aquarius Deep Inside:

Aquarius are in search of wisdom, they are very observant and they can gather their information objectively because emotions do not get in the way, they seem to be above emotions altogether and when they speak, they speak the truth. Sometimes it may be shocking or painful because of their disregard for the feelings of others, but they intend no harm, they call it like they see it and do not let emotions cloud their judgment, they are very detached from emotion. It is not that Aquarius are unemotional, they just to not trust their emotions so they incorporate them into their ideas of who they are. As a result, if someone does not agree with their ideas, Aquarius sometimes takes it personally, not as much as other zodiac signs however as Aquarius is intellect driven and not emotionally driven. Sometimes they wonder if there is something in life that they are missing because they do not feel like other people feel. This does not necessarily prevent them from being involved in intimate relationships, they are capable of this but the person on the other end will always notice an air of detachment from Aquarius. Aquarius wonders 'why?' so much that they can question their existence. They wonder if what they are doing is useful, they want other people to notice them and appreciate them, this is caused by underlying insecurities that wonder if other people accept them for who they are but these are never brought to the surface because to an Aquarius, it does not matter that much because they know that they are special.

Aquarius in a Nutshell:

Aquarius is the sign of visionaries, unconventionality and intellectual independence. Aquarius are the people who deviate from the crowd and go their own way. They are always after intellectual stimulation, constantly discovering something new, forming new opinions and stubbornly traveling their way regardless of what other people think. Aquarius are filled with paradoxes, they are interested in the opposite ends of the spectrum, they like to be alone yet are social butterflies, they like to experience both sides and see both opinions as they formulate new ideas with their forward thinking, active mind. Aquarius have a 'live and let live' policy where everyone is free to be themselves, an Aquarius never judges others because as human beings, we are all equal and entitled to our own opinions. They are verbally skilled and very witty, they observe people and learn how to interact with others through observation. They can be masters of manipulation justifying anything they do or think. As a result, they can deal with any type of personality and adapt to any situation. They welcome change because boredom is their enemy. Anything new is an opportunity to Aquarius. Aquarius can act as an expert on any topic, they are very good at inflating their own importance, they feel it is deserved because their eccentricity makes them unique. Conventional people beware, Aquarius likes to shock and deviate from the norm, this is how they live. Aquarius is known to pick at anyone they find weak or dull-minded. It is simply an easy target for verbal exercise for them, no harm is meant but it might be taken from the other person. Deep inside, Aquarius would never intentionally hurt anyone, they have respect for every human, even though this might not seem apparent to the more emotional types.

*I just find that this is very....... me.....

xoxox

2009-10-08T06:56:00.000-07:00

Feeling #1:

I have disappointed and faced disappointment.

It's the worst feeling of all, besides betrayal.

You put up so much hope on something/someone, yet they simply let you down.

=========================================================
Feeling #2:

I'm pretty stressed with situations. Money is being a bitch all the time.
I need time to learn to prioritise my money and time.
=========================================================
Feeling #3:

Why the hell do some people think they have no chance of being on top of the food chain and "insist" on being at the bottom because " There's no hope?"!

I can't stand it when higher ranked people put you down at such a low level.
That has always been a motivation for me to move further up to the skies.
The fire is burning in me and I will do all I can to show to myself and them that I can be at the same or even higher position then them.

There's nothing sweeter then bumping into your old screaming boss/snobbish people you've met and showing them your power and higher authority that you possess.

And to all those who think they are only " fated " to be rock bottom, one piece of advise:
You can, if you believe.

==========================================================
Feeling #4:

Still searching for the missing shattered pieces.
Some of which might have been swept away, lost forever.
I guess there's always Scotch Tape.
Only thing is, it leaves residues.
==========================================================

xxxxxx

UPDATE! F1 ~~~~~~~~

2009-10-06T08:09:00.000-07:00

Jenson Button! ;)

Hamilton/Barichelo : Mclarren

Formula 1 at Singapore was fantastic!

I had a super superb view that was waaay better than the $1000 Grand Stand Tickets!

Imagine:

The sound of robust engines vrooming by, piercing your eardrums, within metres.

The enclosed section and luxury of of everything at one place...

Plus, no other ticket holders allowed within the Flyer Premises (I think).

So.... NO LONG QUEUES!

No complaining of heat and long queue up lines for drinks...

AND..... Restaurants! Right beside you!

Have got to say they were the best places to view the race, especially since there was a curb round the corner and thus drivers don't just speed by and we can't see them at all....

Take a look!

I got Button and Hamilton!

Although as you can see, I missed Ferrari =(

and yes.... Ferrari was rather disappointing, I must say.

Got the lovely tickets for free... hehe

I've checked through the prices and the actual price was actually $800 for the tickets I was holding on too............

Was reading the news too and some were complaining about not receiving any goody bags even though they were seated at the Grand Stand...

Dear god, I had 2 Goody Bags!!!!!

Each with 2 Red Bull, F1 fans (which they complained they didn't receive either) Vouchers, even an F1 golf cap!! and of course, ear plugs which still had a S$3 price tag on (that I got for free).

Overall was great!! There wasn't even any queue at all for the drinks, a HUGE POPEYE RESTAURANT... and huge TV everywhere and NOT SO CROWDED!

There was even swimming pools!!!!

Wanted to take a dip though, hahah but oh well...

2010, Formula 1,

I shall see you again.

xoxox

Singtel Formula 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-09-23T06:23:00.000-07:00

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe F1 is around the corner!!!

This drives me CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And yes, I'VE GOT THE TICKETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Posters of the F1 race gives me an adrenaline rush....

It's like the photographs and editorial work for the F1 are phenomenal!!!

I never fail to smile to myself when I see the F1 ads all over City Hall Interchange.

I's gonna be SOOOOOOOOOOO AMAZING!!!!

I don't think Massa's coming to Singapore.....

I'm a fan of the Ferrari team so GO FERRARI!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RAIKONNEN DO ME PROUD!

AND AND AND

SHE IS HERE!!!!

and Carl Cox, DJ Samantha Ronson (AKA Lindsay Lohan's Ex gf), Black eyed Peas, BACKSTREET BOYS, Travis ETC ETC ETC.....

OMG!!!! SO EXCITED!!!!! 1 more day!!!!!

Insomniac?

2009-09-22T10:08:00.001-07:00

Time check: 1:08am

I know I should be asleep by now.
Don't get me wrong, I want to.
But the thing is I can't sleep.

I'm on the bed, tossing and turning.
The legs are numb and tired,
The neck sore and tired.
The mind, a whirlwind.

I don't see the purpose of tossing and turning, so here I am.
JJ and I are still good friends.
We still see each other once in a while, it's platonic.
It pricks, but we're still on good terms.

I need a holiday.
A break from everything that's in my mind.
Which is why the Phuket trip is there in 2 month's time.

Oh well, time will do what it does best.

=================================

Was supposed to meet an old friend of mine who came by Singapore last week from Hong Kong.
I wanted so much to see my HK friend but I had a swollen eye....
The last time I met him was like 6 months ago!
I am in need of chatting therapy.....
Fortunately, he texted me the next day that he will be back in 2 weeks time.

Speaking of which my Aquarius twin will be coming by Singapore in December!
Yeayy....

But you know what, I still have the same things in my mind........................

2009-09-22T09:12:00.000-07:00

Memories.

Ever Thine.

Acne and Paragon Shopping Centre Clinics

2009-09-18T22:25:00.000-07:00

So I went to a dermatologist for my ugly, red acne that has been building up for the past few months. I have tried ALL sorts of treatments....

Facial scrubs, Toothpaste, Masks, Neutrogena, 3M Pimple patches, Aloe Vera Herbal Soaps, Tumeric Paste Pimple Cream, Moisturizers, Tear Drops, Raffles Medical Skin Supplements, etc etc.... I was almost tempted to get freaking leeches on my face too, but NOTHING happened !

At least the herbal soap did work but just as it looked like it was going to go away, it came back!

I look like I've got pebbles on my cheeks!! I was beginning to feel depressed and it didn't help my psoriasis was getting worst too (oh such unfortunate skin I have)!

So one day, a friend of mine suggested me going to a dermatologist at Paragon.
She told me she had bad acne once too. (I couldn't believe it at first, she's really really pretty!)
It was the kind of pill she was prescribed by the dermatologist that helped tremendously with her skin... The downside was there was a lot of side effects to take note of paticularly taking precautions not to get pregnant. You cannot take this medication if you are pregnant, It will cause you birth defects!

I knew right there I HAD to go... Otherwise I would look like a monster!!!!! NO DOUBT!

I took days and days surfing the net, googling etc to find for some answers...
Initially I thought of going to a government based National Skin Centre for treatment as the cost is subsidised by the government, but the thing was it will take me AGES!!

So I googled more, sent various emails to different Dermatolosists and Skin Specialist Clinics...
Private clinics response were promt and service was good! Whereas the government based?
I can literally hear crickets. Grrrrr.....

First email I got from The Skin Specialist Centre at Somerset was great... So promt... and good explaination....

Downside? To start with, $80 - $100 for just consultation.... :O
That does not include the treatments......

Second one was the Paragon clinic suggested by my friend.
Consulation was a tad cheaper... $50 to start.

So I picked choice #2 (as I was getting too depressed already.... plus event is in a week... eeeks!!)

My story has just got to start......

Appointment was at 11am, although I was a bit late (typical me)
It's on the 9th level of Paragon Shopping Centre, called NU.U Aesthetics and Wellness Clinic.

Went in and it was nicely decorated, with pink chandelier lights, the kind tai-tais and socialites frequent for monthly botox jabs....

I was getting kind of nervous, I knew deep down the cost was gonna be a bomb!

Went in for consulation and was very good! The doctor explained why I had these acne and how the pills (the same kind he prescribed my friend), Oratane was going to help.. He drew diagrams and pictures on the paper, which helped me understand what I was going through...

The thing he described about the Oratane pills was that I will be getting clear and pristine looking skin within 9 months....
But... I cannot get pregnant because if I do, I will have a deformed baby.
I was given a form to sign stating I'm not pregnant and they will not be responsible for anything if I found out I was and I signed it of course.

The other thing is, I will get very dry skin. My lips will chap badly.. (Great.......) Blurred vision, heatiness etc etc....

And he gave me some anti-bacterial creams etc for my skin etc, etc...

So I went out to get the meds, and the bill came (heart beats, fingers crossed)

Bloody hell... $326.50? :
I gulped...

I decided to trade in the mask as I only had like $300 in my hands...
It was kind of embarrasing, but yeah, that's life not everyone is a socialite.

I went home and googled more on Oratane......

Seems like I will get very very bad acne in the first week (SHUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
but it will all clear up within the next month or so...
I might also gain weight (FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK)

But ultimately, the results will be worth it.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed..
Let's wait and see.

And as for you guys out there... the clinic at Paragon is great!
But only go if you have the kaching! ;)

P.S. Next appointment on the 16th Oct..... gulp gulp....

numb

2009-08-29T21:27:00.000-07:00

The worst thing in life is when your instincts and assumptions are right from the very start.
Your heart has been crushed by itself.. no words, no discussion from anyone.
You have yourself prepared.

Then the big news come, you're numb.
You know its inevitable but deep down you're living your own fantasy, reluctant to return to reality.

One minute you smile, dance, talk and prance around - happy, as though nothing happened.
The next minute you keep still stare and feel even more numb.

No tears, just numb.

2009-08-15T22:47:00.000-07:00

I admit, the week has been really bad.
I can complain all day...
But who can I talk to?

I miss JJ.

Haywired

2009-08-14T06:52:00.000-07:00

I do not understand why I'm this emotional these days.
I remembered being so angry I broke pots, smashed phones against the wall...

Banged my hand on the gates, to the extent the neighbours even peeked out to look at me - just because I forgot my keys and I was locked out of the house.

Then again, that was a week before my period was due.

I assumed this was just a typical case of me having the all dreaded PMS, although I'm very rarely in a spiteful mood.

Even before that emotional week, I had put on a sour face to JJ for some time....
For many various emotions I was feeling at that moment, I suppose.
JJ even commented that he had never seen me in such bad state.

A week had passed since my last period and guess what?
I still have these emotions! Very strong emotional roller coaster I'm feeling all the time.

I flare even when JJ replies late to my sms...
I don't show it... but that feeling is burning immensely and I'm trying so hard to control it.

I flare at everything petty - slow computers, pimples, dark eyes, hair, ugly knees and especially, my psoriasis.

At times I feel so upset I break down, for no apparent reasons....

I was never this stressed before...
Now it's all coming back to me....

I guess I know some of the reasons why...

2009-08-05T09:15:00.000-07:00

They say pictures speak a thousand words,

but how about the very thing that deciphered them?

Eyes?

You squint your eyes to focus on things you cannot see or get clear of.

You rub your eyes when you're tired.

You glare your eyes when you're angry, annoyed or frustrated.

Your eyes certainly glimmer at the sight of beauty and love.

You cry when you are sad.

What if you see someone giving you a smile but their eyes are... distant, cold or disorientated?

Can you tell if someone is hypocritical?

Can you trust your instincts?

The fact is that, people have a choice.

You know deep down you have a feeling that he/she is hiding something.

Yet, some of us prefer to trust someone more than their own instincts.

You see someone staring into blank space.

Is he/she really in that one second of "blank space"

Or is he/she really thinking of something even deeper?

Sometimes, you know it's more than just a stare.

Have you ever felt once when you gaze into someone's eyes,

you can really tell what they're thinking?

Or at least, vaguely?

However, instincts can turn into mere imagination, especially if a person is paranoid.

The fact is that the brain can turn paranoia to look like it is real, thus various mental illnesses.

A sane person balances instincts with trust and observations from his surroundings.

He then acts accordingly.

My question is: Can you tell if someone truly loves you?

Do you trust him when he says, "I love you,"

Or do you look in his eyes and see if they really mean it.

Anyone can say those words, but do they mean what they say.

Like Anna Faris from the movie The House Bunny quoted,

"The eyes are the nipple of the face."

When a person is not aroused, the nipples stay unerected; dead.

When a person is aroused thereafter nipples becomes "alive", erected and responsive.

(Don't mind the vulgar descriptions :P)

I suppose the eyes are like that too.

Human Beings are the most intelligent beings around.

If we can build huge sky-scrappers, create technology, create communication,

surely we can tell a little prediction.

Then again in these times,

we are able to predict Earth's weather forecast,

more complex than a Human's feeling.

Or is it?

A think back

2009-06-30T07:30:00.000-07:00

I always thought life was quizzical. Never mind the fact that it wasn't always neat in my case.

These days, I'm a bunch of nerves (because of something.....).
But I have beeen coping well, I must say.
I need time.
It kills me every second I think about it, I lose my appetite and never want to eat for the rest of the day just because I can't get it or shall I say, him, out of my mind.

Its like the Jeroen incident all over again...
I'm always not attracted to bad boys in my opinion.
Let alone those with a bad reputation of changing women like they change their underwear.

Let's imagine my type of guy:

They're always blonde haired.. although I find dark-haired "stallions" sexy as hell.
I'm especially attracted to green-eyed/blue-eyed beauties.
He's not necessarily a hunk, with a killer washboard for abs.. or young and fresh.. lol
I do love huge biceps =P
A stable professional career is a sure turn-on.
A man that likes what he is doing and is confident.
Even though at times, he is a little goofy.
or nerdy.
I'm a materialistic person, so a nice sexy car is just a go-go bonus. =P
I don't expect him to chalk up my shopping bills (although it would be nice :P)

Rule of thumb: He must not be stingy!
I don't mind if you take me to a Hawker Centre for dinner, but just don't let me pay the bills (or even half of it). I don't mind doing so sometime later, I mean it should be my turn sometimes, but never on the first date! Complete turn off.. hhahahha (I'm just a little pampered poodle)..

----------------------------------------------------

Fine, it might occur to you I'm expecting too much (no doubt).
But lets face it....
Most killer-looking guys won't have the dream-like, gentleman attitude.
Mr Romantic I-Love-To-Toast-Champagne-On-The-Rooftop-Jacuzzi-Watching-The-Stars
might be a player but he's every girl's dream man....

I've learnt some things thanks to the hard knock from an "accident".
People, appreciate what you have now.
Don't chase after a mere dream that is unrealistic because it will only jeopardize state of matters.

-------------------------------------------------------------
Jonathan is really great.
Till this day I'm really sure I haven't met anyone as "golden" as him.
He really is the best.
He's sincere and generous.
And I know so.

I'm never good at expressing myself.
When I'm really into someone, I find it hard to express myself and tell him face up,
how much I love him.
How much I want him in my life,
how much I think about him all the time,
how much butterflies there are swirling in my stomach when he's around.

Sometimes, a smile from me to you speak of a thousand and one words I feel for you,
nothing can ever describe the emotions crazily shooting around.

Thats just the sort of person I am.
I do have feelings and I'm such a sensitive person too.....
------------------------------------------------------------

So I'll say it here.
I love each and everyone of you that's in my life.

xoxox

Untitled

2009-06-23T01:27:00.000-07:00

It's just getting worst...
I feel queasy every time I think about it...
I feel uneasy... Shivers down my spine...
Every part of memory I had about it is just killing me..
I feel like a bunch of nerves....

This overwhelming feeling....

Can't even stop thinking about every inch of it...
It's there like a faulty video tape playing over and over again..
Reminding me of each and every second of it.

I can't stop dreaming about it...
I can't stop feeling so upset with myself.

I just want to talk about this with my close ones.........
I'm losing my appetite....
I'm always thinking about.....................................

that 20%.

Polo... No... not the candy

2009-06-15T23:51:00.000-07:00

Currently at work now... With the company laptop in front of my face... Everyone's just doing their seminar work and listening to lectures so I took this chance to write some little updates about what has been happening over the weekends....

Went to the Singapore Polo Club on the Sunday... Didn't planned it in the first place but it was an impromtu decision....

the beach (to check out the new shack replacing km8) and see Tyler DJ-ing there or watch Polo with a few good friends and their families?
Intially the beach sounded like a good idea but over Polo, I decided to watch the game instead to see how it was like.

Knowing it was Polo, I took my dressing at its best (although no heels) and I was impressed..
All I can say is its a civilised crowd....
Polo is more of an exclusive sport but in my opinion it looked like a very hard and unique sport.
Imagine, Horse riding and golf and rugby combined... okay may be not rugby.. hahah

It was a good decision to watch Polo! Although I won't want to shock you over the membership fees.... $12,800 (according to the website.. not that anyone there was bragging)

Dinner... movie.. home :) ok now's monday I'm at work...

*Damn I should have brought my digi cam... the polo footage was phenomenal ..
Plus i was like 6 feet away!

Work for Slingbacks

2009-06-11T08:05:00.000-07:00

My first day of work was good.
All nice even though I had to wake up really early.
Basically I was to coordinate the events, make sure it all went smoothly, go for tea breaks and lunch breaks and listen to seminars!

I'm sure the hardest bits have yet to come but all I can say is I might get a hang of this job after a while.
So much better then clearing dirtY plates....

The seminar I was at was about HR practice and the misconducts, how problems can be resolved, mistakes etc.
It was very interesting and enlightened me about the working politics bound to happen in a company.... Definitely useful information gathered.

Trainees basically pay few hundred dollars or more for the seminars and basically I, as an event coordinator, will be paying attention to both the seminar and trainees' food, air con, stationary, needs.. blah blah blah .. liase with hotel staff... collect stufs, end work and back to office and back home.

Imagine all that info and knowledge I would have gained from the seminars =)
useful to young baby like me!

I had my brand new Pedro sexy black Slingbacks with me.
Let me tell you, they were very sexy.

a) I love TALL,TALL heels (plus the metallic effect always make it look sexier)
b) I am IN LOVE with BLACK shoes
c) they were in snakeskin (although faux)
d) They had a nice cutting which eliminated the "fat look" my legs have, thus making them look slimmer.

HOWEVER....

THEY WERE SLINGBACKS.

Let me warn you ladies out there,
SLINGBACKS ARE EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE!!!
For the fact that it usually has a very narrow front (doesn't help especially since i have broad feet).
The slings on the back are not very secure, no wait, not secure at all!
For every 1 step I took, the slings will slowly slide off from my ankle and down to my heels.
And every second, I will have to bend, lift my leg and lift that stupid sling back up again.
And this continued for another say 1155000000 steps taken later. haha.
ANNOYING.
plus, the front was so small and narrow it feels like someone was pounding my feet, hard.
It's not about the height of the shoes (fine they were 5 inch high)
but the security of the shoes that matters.

My other strappy 5 inch heels was the most comfortable shoes ever (i could run in them, no problem), but that's because they were securely strapped around my ankle.

I have 2 more slingbacks.
The first was a pair of black heels that was about 2 inch tall but about 2 size smaller (fine I know, stupid). You don't have to say anything... It was just as good as chopping my whole feet off.

The second one was a pair of very sexy red heels. It was in fierce red with gold linings.
It looked very, very nice.... that is until i wore them for a day long.....

MY toenails were almost dropping off!!!! no kiddings.

Those two slingbacks are rarely worn... although the previous black ones were NEVER worn agian~

hahaha so just one piece of advice...... Do not buy slingbacks unless you are sure you don't have broad (urrghh) feet like me and make sure they are a breeze to walk in, otherwise they would be a waste of money...
Same goes to any types of shoes.....
everyone have a different style. xoxoxo

I'm employed, FINALLY

2009-06-03T11:56:00.000-07:00

I have a job!!

Like Finally!! Woohoo!

So I had an interview today that went fairly well and guess what? I'm employed :D
After 3 months of unemployment partly because I'm very picky over jobs.
I mean I have been working as a part time waitress at a hotel for more than 1 year and that was the only ever job I had. I didn't want to continue working there for long.. Perhaps during my free time to help that's alright, but all the time as a fixed job? Nah.....

I mean the hours are long, its DAMN TIRING. One year and more (Coming 2 years actually is alright) I remembered at one point I was working almost 12 hours.. Can you believe it?
hahha mampos aku.
Started from 7 am (breakfast full)
Ended at 12am +
Next morning.. 7am....
So, if you say I'm snotty then I'm not okay! I know how it feels to be serving people too! and wash dishes and get scolded.. and blahblahblah

I wanted a change because I had already graduated with a diploma in my hands so I intended to look for a job within my level.
I must admit I tend to be a little too ambitious.
Started with applying for PR related jobs...
Advertising, Broadcasting, Events Coordinators, you name it.. but no reply....... grr

And then I got a phone call from a company doing events.
I got shortlisted and then I was hired.... as an events coordinator

So here is the job description:
Setting up and managing training events

- Providing administrative assistance to the Operations Manager

- Liaising with hotel event staff

- Handling participants registration

Requirements:

- Enjoy interacting with people

- Good interpersonal skills and ability to speak English

It's pretty simple but I won't dismiss any sort of opportunity.
Basically I have to do events in Hotels (Hotels again??)
I'm pretty familiar with how the hotel works after years of working in a hotel too...
I'll just say, no matter how easy or not so-much-pay it is for the job, I'll take it as a stepping stone, definitely. I'll work hard to be a productive and efficient employer and gradually build up my career path and head North.
Who knows? After some experience and knowledge and if I flair in doing it, I would definitely move on to bigger chances. Organising bigger events and thus achieving the preferred career later in life through my experiences.

Jonathan once said that to reach the top you will have to work from the bottom.
No one should be arrogant and stubborn during these times.
It's crucial to learn and build up your knowledge from others.

- Those words of advice is coming from someone who is both successful in life and a respectable lovable man :) xxx

I'm scared of the dentist!!

2009-05-26T10:27:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh my mouth really hurts!!
My lower part of my teeth to be exact.
It's the third Wisdom tooth growing!

The pain is like the first tooth... yeouch....
Ok I can't take it.
I'm so going to the dentist to get them removed.....

=.=

And I'm such a genius to watch a video of how Wisdom Tooth are extracted.
Let's see... Well, they CUT the gums open, pull out the estranged molars and sew them back again.....

I had no clue why I HAD to watch that (tak perlu sak =.=)
Now I'm terrified to go to the dentist....
FYI, I have always been scared of the dentist.

Think it as a gruelling part in my life back in Primary School to get regular dental check ups.
And yes, my heart will freeze whenever I see those scary metallic driliing instruments etc..
They resemble more like torture equipments to me .... :-/

At a young age of 8, trust me I had the most painful drilling on my teeth... And it hurts!!!

=(

So scared man to go to the dentist... Like always!

Random ah aku nak bbual melayu lak... =)

2009-05-25T09:47:00.000-07:00

Is it me or is the weather here like really scorching hot?

I'm like lying on my bed which i secretly wished was some kind of water bed that's like cooling or something.

I have the fan next to me on maximum speed but still is quite hot...

Sheesshh.

So anyway went to meet Jonathan earlier on.

He's leaving for work tomorrow for a week =(

Ahh well that's fine, I'm meeting my other long lost buddies tomorrow.

Will be busy busy busy bee!

Meeting my darling Hidayah first thing in the morning to go to Sentosa with her.

Random eh kau tiba2 call je nak ajak aku keluar.. Tapi tak aper.. Aku dah tgh rindu kau so aku cakap okeh je ah!

Alamak.. Talk about sentosa my tanning lotion still with Mr J lah =.=

abeh tiba2 random tadi dier text aku kiss kiss. hahahahahahah mabok eh?

then aku reply balik how are u tak ter reply pulak... tak tau lah ni orang...

Meeting my long long never-update friend tomorrow.

Probably meet up with him and catch up over some coffee or something at Emerald Hill.

I like that place anyway.... =)

I feel somewhat guilty and bad. He's been asking me out for ages and I keep on coming up with some excuses. He's my friend too and would be great to catch up with him. So okay fine I have been spending too much time with Jonathan I think. hahah but seriously... very hard to keep up lah.

My old pal shan is in Singapore and I feel bad too because I'm always unavailable when he is in SG.... And now that he's here for some time I might catch up for some dinner with him...

Stuck on you (miserably)

2009-05-23T08:31:00.000-07:00

Right, So I have absolutely no idea why I'm feeling extremely lethargic today.

It's only like 11:33 pm and I'm like dead tired!

I didn't went out with Jonathan today though, will meet him up some day later for a day out before he leaves singapore again.

I went to Tampines 1 with my sister (with family as well, but they left early) so me and my sister started wandering around mostly due to the fact that my sister had never been to Tampines 1 ever. hahah
There was some sort of Games Roadshow or something and it was really cool..
Like there was this big balloon-thingy wall and we had to wear velcro suits so we could stick to the furry walls. Trick was, we had to jump up high and try to stick ourselves as high as we could on the wall. It was FUN. But, I failed miserably haah.

As usual me and my sister would attempt to these challenges voluntarily even in public. hehehe
Fine so here are the videos to our miserable attempts for trying to stick ourselves on that wall.

Word of caution: This might not seem as easy as it looks!!!

Eeek, I can't believe that was me.

Yea fine, she was cuter.. -.-'

I am dead tired! Think I have plans tomorrow fixed!!

Can't wait!! :) xoxox

Nights!

Lovely!

2009-05-19T12:23:00.000-07:00

On a brighter note I feel jubilant too!
Met Jonathan again.
At least he was there to cheer me up for the day =]
Went abit of shopping and then I'm off to work.

Was packed though at work.... There was alot of people coming in for the function..Ended late like 12 +
But got very stressed up at the end of the day too :(
*Grrrrr
Ahhh tired but can't help it, I'm writing here.
ok nak tdo!

If you dislike me and have issues with me please click here

2009-05-19T11:53:00.000-07:00

Right so I'm a little tad frustrated.

Maybe I should blog about blow up dolls again. (hahaha)
Then blog about more local vs foreign guy issue.
But you know what, I won't do that.
I know eyes are watching me everywhere, but seriously come on.
Give me a break.
I'm so tired.
Sometimes I'm so unhappy acting like I'm someone I'm not.
I like to have fun, I like being me.
I know what I'm doing.

I'm just abit drained.
Sometimes I don't have anyone to talk to.
Not that everyone agrees what your thoughts are.

2009-05-17T22:14:00.000-07:00

I want a Yorkshire Terrier!!

Look at this dog... It's so cute!!! *Tries hard not to go beserk*

Me and Jonathan went to a pet shop in Bukit Timah after lunch.

While I was busy oogling and aww-ing at those cute Chihuahua,Yorkies and Maltese,

He was admiring those huge Golden Retrievers and big dogs and the Cockatail.

He wants a huge big dog though.

I don't mind big dogs but I just prefer the smaller breed.

You can play dress up with them and carry them around.

Now ain't that cute?

I love dogs! I'll have them someday =)

Been spending lots of my time with Jonathan...

I really love and cherish every moment spent.

He's amazing =)

Gimme a bit of love

2009-05-17T10:32:00.000-07:00

He's just so great :)

This was taken a few weeks ago during Oce and Julian's wedding at Supperclub.

He's really special =)

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

P.S, Kiki and Lala loves you too ;)

SINGAPORE IDOL!

2009-05-17T09:02:00.000-07:00

Hahahah! And guess what?!
Within the click of a button, that was it.
I am officially joining Singapore Idol 2009 auditions! lol

Ok Wish me luck!! :)

Here's the song I'm going to sing though... xoxox

Bad Boys? Eeeew

2009-05-12T10:37:00.000-07:00

I had a nice dinner with Jonathan after his flight back from work at a Sichuan Restaurant in Parkroyal Hotel... Oh trust me the food was damn good.. the prawns in sichuan pepper and chilli padi? oh don't get me start drooling again.... :) Jonathan was sweating profusely ... hahaha.. but i must say I'm surprised he could withstand and in fact enjoy the hot and spicy food (sichuan food is freaking hot let me remind u) because not much caucasian men can take that level of spice.. (although some can!)

So we had a conversation regarding me (lol)
and the times I had when I mixed around mostly with the mats and minahs bawah blocks when i was a young teenager.. hahahah was funny.. and I started speaking my singlish accent again (i dropped that like ages ago :P) he found it rather interesting though and we had such a nice time together... :)

The discussion with hin though brought me up to the question about bad boys...
I didn't really think much about it until I came across one of my friend's Facebook status saying "Good girls love Bad Boys"

I think in many cases thats always the case but sometimes its not at all.
Well u can't deny the fact that people want variety in their life and when it comes to choosing a partner they choose someone they can talk about new things with.

I don't blame them, its their choice. But personally after a fair share experience myself being with these so called "Bad Boys", I'll conclude that they're not really my type.

------
So? You go for gang fights etc and you're bad..
*Okay.... NOT

So? Everyone's terrified of you because you're a fighter.
*That's fine, I can learn karate on my own

So?You dropped out of school
*Go educate yourself

So? You break girls' hearts
*I'm not gonna break myself for you

So?You get into trouble
*I'd rather have my records clean

---------

Honestly, I don't see what's so attractive about that.. NOTHING
Well I know lotsa friends of mine who love bad boys and are dating bad boys..
Hey you know, love is all that matters... I don't mean to offend you guys if you are reading but if you think you can stand him and don't mind the pressure from these boys, then by all means.

But I'll be personal and say I don't think they are worth it.
They're great friends but I don't think they are lover-material in my case..

I'd rather a man who can talk to me about issues of the world, politics, social problems, environment, sports etc without getting bored hearing me debate.
A man who can do productive things and earn their on for a living, not getting fed by parents at 27.
A rightful man might not look so good in my case of men but as long as they are interesting, talented and smart I'd rather choose him then a good looking "Bad Boy" who might have girls hanging on his wrist.

Many girls find bad boys attractive because of the whole "Macho" idea.. That if he's notorious, you'll be as popular.. the attention, who doesn't want it?

But as for me..... NEXT
Punching another man or hurting him is a sign of obvious aggresion and if he could do it to the guy then why can't he do the same to you? I'd rather a man who talk things through and settle disputes in a civilised manner.... call the lawyer etc.... just don't hit him till he is hospitalised etc... Well maybe for self defense punch his nose... but don't bring out weapons etc to get him...

You might think I'm being very snobbish here critising about these guys but don't start..
I was just like these girls.. falling for the wrong guys.. bad guys.. bad boys...
irresponsible cunts.
some of them are sweet, yes.... but in the end they are bad after all and they won't treat you right.... unless he is part of that small 0.05% of the bad boys who are actually nice etc :P

Let me tell you this; when I was dating bad boys, I was emotionally abused, I felt disrespected, insulted and humiliated etc.. I wasn't physically abused (thanks) but the threats and blackmailing that came with possesiveness and jealousy added unneccesary strain to my well being... My money... If I was working with a stable income and my guy asked me if he could borrow money from me thats fine... I wouldn't mind... but if its to frequent or to the extend its depriving you then...?

I know different people have different says.
Our experience on this issue varies...
and these are just my point of view based on my very own first hand experience....

GIRLS
Get a guy who will treat you right.... I'm sure every man wants the same thing too... :)

2009-05-09T23:02:00.000-07:00

Okay sorry I haven't been around for the last couple of weeks...

I'm currently having a very bad headache/tummy ache... from yesterday.. feeling all nausea.

So anyway I was out for a few weeks in Jakarta.. and I was sick -.-

Things are abit different now.

I think I'm over and done with the whole "Mr J" agony I had for a while.

I met a new person, Jonathan, who is a very nice chap.

In fact I really like his company and all.

And its about the age gap that makes it more or less interesting..

As you know I was out with "Mr F" the 38 year old chap with a daughter.

I didn't think we could go on long because i thought he was abit intimidating..

And from what I knew and saw, he could have been a controlling person :S

It was like I was with Mr F but I was still very much in love with Mr J whom I know would never commit... sigh.

Well this person I'm seeing now might be 24 years off my senior.. but i felt better when im around with him then Mr F or Mr J.

I don't know I guess I will take it slow... :)

Have been missing on parties lately..

zomg... @_@

but still, I did all the things I never really got to do when I'm with Jonathan.

Like golf... cycling... and etc... it feels really good to do these things back again

I feel refreshed!

He even introduced me to a right number of friends and that really meant alot to me..

Unlike Mr F or Mr J who was more concious of introducing me to their friends because of the whole age issue (perhaps), Jon had no problems.. :)

Squeeze my heart out

2009-04-20T11:24:00.000-07:00

Because I really wished I can say straight to you "I love You" without shivering.

Films that made me cry and laugh

2009-04-16T13:04:00.000-07:00

Mama cougar and her lover (was actually his wife)

Fine..... Throughout Zac Efron wasn't all bad....

*and I loved the Audi R8!!!!!!! @_@

Okay, I watched 17 again today with Nadiah.... I must admit the show didn't disappoint at all!

A) Interesting storyline (although recycled ideas) but still very entertaining!

B) I'm not a fan of Zac Efron, but I must say he can act! Bravo!

C)I kinda like the whole high school teenage angst/rebellion over an adult's maturity stuck in that kind of world....

D) The lesson that sometimes the seemingly bad choices we made are actually the right ones... so no need for the whole turn back time thing.

****

Overall I rate the show 4/5 =)

I am not going to spoil it by telling you the synopsis (because you can predict things by that)

But I'll just say the journey throughout the movie is very light hearted and enlightening, perfect after a day's hard work to sit down, relax and reminisce the good old high school days and have a good laugh over it.

Now we go to the movies that made me weep... like hell!

The other Boleyn Girl

Starring Scarlett Johansson as Mary Boleyn and Natalie Portman as Anne Boleyn

Eric Bana stars as King Henry VIII

The Original potrait of Anne Boleyn

Don't Natalie Portman and her look somewhat similar?

I know this movie is kind of outdated, but I decided to get this movie and just watch it and witness the history that revolves in the tumultuous life of the manipulative Anne Boleyn..

So Anne Boleyn was Queen of England for three years, during which she was the second wife of King Henry VIII. Henry had annulled his marriage with his previous wife Queen Catherine of Aragon (she was a roman Queen) because of Anne Boleyn and thereafter split up with the Roman Catholic Church that has been with England for years under his rule when he was still with Catherine of Aragon..

He left her all because she could not bear a son... Initially King Henry wanted to take Anne Boleyn as his mistress before but decided to take her sister, Mary Boleyn instead because she was less stubborn etc. Mary was actually married but because of the power the king possesed, Mary's husband gave in to the king and Henry soon impregnated Mary. She gave birth to his well wanted son, however, because the son was illegitimate, he could not be the heir to the king's throne.

So when the King married Anne because he was convinced she could deliver him a son, it was to his disappointment that later on Anne Boleyn conceived a daughter instead (There after Queen Elizabeth I) and suffered miscarriages just like Queen Catherine did. He became bored with Anne Boleyn and soon, She was executed due to treason and incest with her own brother.....

Now scholars have long argued that there was a possibility that Anne Boleyn sabotaged and conspiracies soon arose.. Some of which was due to King Henry himself who deliberately sent Anne Boleyn to be executed. It was also because just 10 days after Anne's execution, he maried Jane Seymour. And Anne wasn't given a proper burial and instead buried in an unmarked grave.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

KING HENRY VIII was a SELFISH BASTARD.

(like so much men)

End.

Abstinence is not key

2009-04-14T08:29:00.000-07:00

They say one can only to start to find out their identity after experimenting with some things in life.

I do not believe in abstinence as you deprive yourself of knowledge and experience.
It is after all based on a human's nature that one will always be tempted to challenge something they are told not to do.
Partly based on curiousity? Perhaps.
Like they say,"Curiousity killed the cat,"
But we all know the cat has 9 lives.

You may argue on how Adam and Eve were sent out of Heaven and down to Earth because of Eve's temptation to devour the Forbidden Fruit from God.
It was her curiousity and her temptations that led to Setan's triumph.

However, had it not Eve eaten the Forbidden Fruit, then, none of us will be here on Earth.
We would all be drinking wine in Heaven.

My point is, always try something.
But, be wary of its consequences.
We are mere mortals, human beings with flaws and imperfections.
Therefore, we learn from our mistakes.
Never regret doing what you have had done because there is no use crying over what had been done.
Instead cherish it as a memoir in your life, a memory that would leave no more as a gentle reminder of what the past has moulded you to be the person you are today.

When one falls, learn to slowly stand up back again.
Ask for help.
Never lie there hopelessly, without realising you have more to look forward to.

One fall never kills, you know you are strong. And everyone is strong.

****

I started my life with alot of downfall and tumultous relationships.
The agony, the cruelty and the betrayal.
I saw myself once, lost without direction.
I never told anyone at all.
I thought I could stand back from the great fall I had - alone.
I did, but time played a huge role.

But now, I'm a more happy person.
Can't ask anything more.

Thank You memories, past experiences,
For making me the person I am now.

P.S. I miss painting..... and Horse riding. .... good old cultured hobbies.

Scandals, deception, lust

2009-04-08T10:54:00.000-07:00

One must be smart what to write and what not to write.

I say that once and I will not repeat myself.

Scandals, lies, deception.

That is all I can say...

In this world, nothing is ever perfect.

Never assume things to be the way it look like.

Never assume there are no predators in the calm river.

Never assume that girl beside you haven't went out with a married man.

Never assume that old man beside you doesn't have a 19-year-old mistress

Never assume your wife was a virgin the day she married you.

The moral of the story is, everyone has a story to tell.

Never assume things you do not know of.

*****

I watched Scarface. I loved that movie. The moral of the story is never be greedy.

And I love the life revolving the Mafia.

The lucrative business, the luxury, the lust.

It was about this man Tony Montana.

He was just a very smart, aggressive man whom I know would reach to the peak of success because of his charisma and attitude. Yet, it was his arrogance that led to his downfall.

I am pretty sure many of you can relate to that....

*****

Scandals, lust, deception.

The more colorful things in life, the more meaning in life.

******

I watched Rob Dougan's Clubbed to Death videoclip.

The music is very mysterious, yet intriguing.

I love music that do not require so much lyrics or none at all.

It is with the rhythm you create your story, your own interpretation.

And I love playing around with my imagination.

It's like a fantasy playground in your head.

If you are smart enough, this video can bring about alot of different meanings just by how you interprete it and perceive it to be

xoxo Fie.

rage

2009-04-01T06:58:00.000-07:00

Dumb fucks need to learn to leave me alone.
I might just run, far away.

Updating, myself

2009-03-31T11:04:00.000-07:00

For all of you who thought I haven't been doing much to my book and have been slagging my butts off, then I must say you are very wrong!

Been writing at my own pleasure, no deadline anyway.
I can pretty say that chapter 1 has been re-edited and much more dramatic as suggested by some kind souls who contacted me via email. (:

Have contacted certain publishers, one of it Dorrance Publishers in the States, whereby they do international publishing as well and have proposed my story to them. I had their reply though, but i will only know how it's going to be like after i send in the whole of chapter 1 and 2 (: We'll see.

I am really just ambitious, if I want something, I want it.

So what's been going on lately?
Nah.. Other then always regarded as a black sheep in the family... I did have so much fun in my life. And all that words from others, I don't really care. I know my life is full of colors and I like it that way.

I know for a long time I can do and get what I always want.
I know I have the drive, the power.
And I will work very hard for it, trust me.

One can be young and full of ambitions, yet never underestimate their ability.

I'm pretty grateful of the fucked up things I have gone through in life.
I might not be a saint, I will never want to..
But I'm proud of the varieties I have in my life.
At least I know I don't have such dull life (:

I just love parties, paticularly beach parties.
There's something "Me" about them.
I love to socialise and meet new people.
I think its good practice for young people like me for the big world out there.
I don't like to just stick with a single race, religion or ethnicity.
I just prefer to be around with different people, Asians, Hispanics or Caucasians etc.
Take it or leave it; that is me.

I know right now I bring worries and shame to family etc...
But you'll see I'll be up there one day.

Process!

2009-03-25T04:26:00.000-07:00

Well, after much deliberation, I decided Story #2 was more interesting.
I might want to look for a publisher to pulish my book (I'm not kidding, I really want to do this),
But I guess I might need some help regarding the process of my book. I must say my language is quite average and I'm pretty sure I need to use some help regarding my creative writing.. I've got ideas but it's hard to just get it to pen and paper you know.

Alright I just need to ask you guys a favor; read my saved Microsoft Word draft. :)
And I need your comments about it.. Constructive ones, please!
And if any one of you know any idea about the publishing process please let me know :)

get to me via my email: fiesuffianah@yahoo.com.sg

Upload the Document :

Click Here

xoxo Fie . Muachhh!

I'm writing novels

2009-03-24T12:33:00.000-07:00

I think I want to write a book.
I've had so many thoughts, so many ideas about the world.
Life, Love and Lust.
And ultimately, unimaginable scandals.
A book for the heartbroken, the loved and the confused.

But I have 2 story lines to choose from! haha ! can you guys please cast your votes ? :D

The story #1:

"She had the most beautiful bright brown, hazel eyes. Her eyes glowing with enchantment, yet full of untold pain and sorrows."

She was the most beautiful person in the world, she was his world.. His life.
Melinda Lee was found stripped naked and lying on the ground of the back alleys of a brothel.

"Her eyes, trembled in fear of the world."
"Her body shivered at the coldness of life."

Robin Angelhert was a man of success and a man of money. Yet, life's diffilcult pathway to love had made him his way to the red lights of the brothels and ultimately discovered hope in torn Melinda.

Melinda was sent to a foster home where Robin frequently met her and uncovered the darkness of life she was subjected to all her life. Before long, Robin decided to take Melinda deeper into his life and brought her back home. He wanted to help this tormented lady, he wanted her to have a new meaning in life.. Yet, there was something about those eyes he wanted to know.

Melinda had never felt anyone cared for her so much and felt the impossible - she was in love with Robin. Intense intimacy grows between them as they fight against the public's perception.
Robin gets a call one day, he had to leave Melinda and go back to Europe. How can he ever leave this torn and tattered girl alone in the big world?

Story #2:
A woman falls deeply for an internet lover she had known for years. They are miles apart, haven't set eyes to each other, yet so in love with each other. However one day, she found out that she had lost all contact with him. He was avoiding her and decided to leave her - online. Leaving her confused and heartbroken.

Many years later, she gets engaged with her lover and sets for a holiday to the beautiful islands of Greece. All's well until she sees a familiar face in a crowd. She follows him and bumps across him. Only to realise he is who she really wanted it to be. The two were quickly drawn to each other and felt that time had paused and it the world only revolved between him and her.

It turned out her Greecian lover was a married father with a young daughter, yet nothing was going to stop the two from falling hard for each other. She later learns why he had blocked online and avoided her. No matter, both of them knew, they were meant for each other and the woman had never felt so in love with anyone else.

With each of them having commitments, families and relationships, can these true soulmates ever be "Together, Forever"?

The story tells how it is and how hard it will be to choose between your dreams and your responsibilities.

A man ripens with age :)

2009-03-23T23:33:00.000-07:00

The best champagnes are always accompanied with a ripe old age

I had a chat with my dad the other day...
Yes, I told him I'm dating a 38-year-old man with a 7-year-old daughter who actually looks older then my dad...

Dad sat back, smoked his ciggarettes and said... "Okay,"
"I have no say about that but if you are serious in him one day, just bring him over and let me meet him...."

Tell me about it.. Even my date had already expressed his intentions of meeting my dad.. :-/
I have already met his family - his daughter, and now he is meeting my dad...
Jeez..............

And each of them keep talking about marriage with me.....
Well, this is what you get if you mix with too much older people.. lol

I'm starting to want to be in a relationship with someone already...
It's been 2 years I haven't had a serious relationship with anyone..
I just want a relationship with a good, matured, successful caucasian man........
Not yet being a wife of someone.....

bubbly bubbly

2009-03-21T00:17:00.000-07:00

Eversince the Attica incidence, my mood for clubbing has completely drained...
No more late night outs... Just some drinking with friends at pubs and bars,
More chicken feet, Indochine, live bands and just more wine and laid-backs.
Its actually kind of nice, just getting a break from all those ridiculous crazy money-wasting moments....

Don't get me wrong I really love to party and socialise (no matter what, thats just me)

But if you get harsh treatments like this, its wise to take a break and just let the situation cool down, for both sides as well. I have to admit I really miss Attica, but i really don't know where to put my face at should I enter it again... What used to be the smell of home and a sense of belonging is fading.... But I must admit, I will somehow find my steps infront of the very same club one day, perhaps later, just like what I always did for the last few months... They say memories can never fade...

So the week had been spent on Jacuzzis and roof top Hot Tubs....
I am kind of enjoying it... weekend afternoons just chilling at the pool with a beer in my hands and some magazines and talking to random people..
You know, minus all the superficial people that used to roam clubs etc
Its just nice for a change.

I am so loving hot tubs with a nice scenery of the city and the leisure of a book and a beer in my hands. It feels more relaxed and I realised Its the "me time" I have been missing for quite a while...

****
I have finally discussed with dad and I decided I am going to continue my Advanced Diploma here in Singapore and once I'm done I am thinking of taking my degree overseas in KL and thereafter in the UK. I guess I am destined to say goodbye to Singapore afterall....

Looking forward to KL and I really wonder how nightlife is going to be there....

I'll then have to find a club that has the desired crowd I like to be around with and call it home again.. I'll just make sure alcohol won't ruin the upcoming oppurtunity...

I's actually 12:49AM Singapore time and I feel very very very sleepy, which is not normal as I always sleep pass 3 AM every day.

Ok, I am going to bed... good night.

I am Back

2009-03-19T22:05:00.000-07:00

Back from the Mundane trip from KL.
Say no more....
People said KL is fun and happening, but it feels more like a chore for me to do because I am always visiting daddy there.

I mean his apartment is splendid.. On a hill, overlooking the city skyline
(I love love love apartments with city views)
But too bad daddy isn't the nightlife kinda person..
my friends in KL were bugging me to meet them and hit the clubs
(which I so so SO wanna go)
But daddy already have the week planned ahead and told me not to go out at night because he wants to bring me to these "Nature Parks" early in the morning..

BAAH

And guess what? Even Mr Fran is in KL.
sheeeesh. I so wished I went out instead.

According to Jeroen : La double vie du Fie
Which meant the double life of Fie in French.
Oh Merci Jeroen, Well versed. haha

I had to play Ms Decent/kental for a week and my horns were dying to stick out.
LOL

OH NADYA, DIYANA, and the M&M guys, I MISS YOU GUYS TOO MUCH!!

Need to catch up on my nightlife again... Not this week though. NO MOOD! haha
Next week :) Le Noir :)
Now that I'll have to think twice about stepping into Attica..
(although I think the managers can settle that out soon)
I'll just stick to nice Le Noir

Toodles!

UPSET

2009-03-13T15:44:00.000-07:00

I am just fucking upset you know. What if you are a regular in a club and then at the end of the day they just shoo you off and treat you like dirt even if you have nothing much to do with it?

Its not what, I have already recommended this club to a whole bunch of friends till they really like it and invite their friends along because i think it is a really really good club. I mean I have always been in that club for more then a year and then suddenly they just ban you because of a simple problem that can be fixed? WTF.

Okay here it goes : My friend bought a bottle in the club. But when he left, we took the bottle and then we were blamed for stealing the bottle and being called as GOLD DIGGERS.

LIKE WTF.

then my friend offered to buy another bottle of $400 for a NEW BOTTLE even though it was only half full BUT we were told its not the point... (come on it brings lotsa profit to the company)

And when we wanted to resolve the case... well my friend actually,

Guess what?

WE WERE THROWN OUT OF THE CLUB!
EVEN THOUGH I REGARD IT AS MY MOST FAVORITE CLUB

LIKE HOW INSULTING CAN THAT BE????!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!

I mean if there is a solution to a problem pick a smart choice and take the resolution instead.!

This? - No.

IN FACT WE, REGULARS!!! WE FUCKING BANNED AND THROWNED OUT.

how humiliating.

friend even offered like fucking $$$$$$ but didn't accept it.
And i regard it as my favorite club, recommend my friends to it...
Friends that travel around, I introduce it to them......
You know they even introduced it to their own friends.
And when we get banned because of a problem that can be resolved and being completely thrown out as if we are first timers there, its really just so sad.
I mean i have friends in there, I make friends with the staff there.
We know each other.
And then you throw us out like that?!
it just sad and I've always said to my overseas friends that this club is the BEST.

So, you know I felt really like crying there. Because that place was like a second home to me.
Really.
I felt so at home and in love and then you do this to us.

Its really fucking sad.

I don't know.

FUCK SINGAPORE.
I thought i can party for the last night before i go to KL but FUCK really a bad memory to stay.
I REALLY AM UPSET.

la double vie du Fie

2009-03-13T00:02:00.000-07:00

Have a safe trip to Belgium!!

Enjoy your trip sweetcakes..

Ah imagine if your crush prepares a candle light dinner for you.....

hahaha

love it love it!

Meanwhile the lover is in Germany.

The good friend going to Russia...

gaaaah

Je suis dans l'amour avec un homme que je connais que je peux ne jamais avoir

Chicken feet!!!!!

What do you do.....

2009-03-07T21:57:00.000-08:00

What would you do if 2 of your flings and current dating boyfriend is at the same club at the same time on the same day?

You keep you ass tight at home.

So that was my Saturday night :)

Misses

2009-03-07T09:51:00.000-08:00

Me and Attica (Like you've all seen it)

Anders :)

Okay!!Funny pics!

Okay I so had a nice long chat on MSN with my Norwegian friend...

Oh the advantages of new age technology..

Aww miss him alots!

It was nice catching up with him..

Told him about the latest things happening around me..

And just can't stop from having a good laugh about it.

How I miss partying with him

And being in his company :)

Ok so today I catched up with my good old friend

Alishia who had just came back from her trip from KL

and met her after months of her being in Europe..

Was a nice girlfriend day out.

Really missed her!

And had a nice cup of tea with Syahmi and her together

(Aww you old white men must be jealous of him)

Funny man he is and a right nice man! :)

So we sent him to the airport and after that me and Alishia had a day out in town.

Then went to get some lunch at Wisma Food Republic and

CHICKEN'S FEET!

you know the Chicken Feet always found in chinese food...

YUMMY.....

But too bad

whenever I mention Chicken's feet to Jeroen,

he'll start to give me these

"Icky eewwy faces"

hahahahaha

But

Trust me, it is that delicious.....

I still have the taste lingering around my mouth till now =X

Then of course we had the good old men and girlfriend talks.

Was very interesting as me and her, we share alot in common too!

So it was fun yet entertaining to listen to some of her stories

and because of those stories we told to each other,

we were inspired to catch a last minute movie,

He's Just Not That Into You.

Omg.

We so have the same ideas!!

But of course... Last minute movies on a Saturday don't work.

We had to walk from Cathay Cineleisure

To Plaza Singapura...

And all SOLD OUT?!

Wth.

Anyways... there's always weekdays..... :)

So good to reconnect with old friends ! :D

I want Chicken's Feet!!!!

2009-03-06T01:17:00.001-08:00

SO FUCKING WORRIED

Do not trust cyber world

2009-03-05T23:21:00.000-08:00

Samantha Choo? I think not

(Please click to enlarge photos)

Okay so what do you do if a hot and beautiful person adds you on Facebook and then sends you a personal message saying she is interested in you (especially if you are bisexual)?

a) Hop and jump that this hot chick is all over you

b) send naked photos of you and video online

c) none of the above and tell your friends to check her out.

I'd say choice C is a good one.

See the photos...... Same looking girl (I am 100% sure)

But different names.....

Guess who is the fakey?

Her name is Yalena (the real one)

See........ how come they are tagged?

And how come this one's not......?

Okay the real one.

Samantha Choo told me to do alot of things online...

You should know..

But I didn't trust it too much...........

So I was going through the Attica V.I.P page when I came across Yalena!!!

I was like.... WTF!

hahahah

Added her at Facebook (sister actually) and taaa -daaaaa
I had officially clarified my doubts..

Moral of the story : Cyber world is a place you cannot trust, just like the real world...

But, you can at least trust me...

xoxo

Rain

2009-03-04T00:31:00.000-08:00

It's been raining for the past few days and I feel somewhat happy but quite frustrated about it.
I only wished the lover was around so I can snuggle with him, watching some thriller movies with a hot chocolate in my hands.

Sun is good because then I can go to the pool and tan.
Oh KM8, you and me need to be together again......
I can't do that since its always raining now (piss off)
But the rain gives me more reasons to stay at home and snooze like a little pig.
And inevitably save more cash!
haha.

Okay so this jobless, bum-bummer lady wakes up at 12 pm everyday..
Having nothing else to do but to be infront of the computer and watching Slumdog Millionare over and over again.... Geez.. I guess I really do need a job.

Plus the family.. Oh the family....
*head starts throbbing again*
Sigh.

Oh well it's so cold and breezy here might take a 5 minute nap before I wake up and do the rest of the chores like I always do.

Oh love, amor, wished you really were here... xoxo

Hed Kandi: World Series Ibiza (2008)

2009-03-04T00:29:00.000-08:00

Hed Kandi: World Series - Ibiza (2008) (3CD)

The best song compilation ever

Better

2009-03-02T09:15:00.000-08:00

So I had dinner with Fran today.

Yes dinner with the family.

Me, him and his daughter.

Had some nice tandoori chicken,

and some yummy oxtail soup (he likes it)

Things are getting smoother now.

I got along pretty well with his daughter and at the end of the day we were joking and laughing to each other =)

And I realised the man I was going crazy over still did not seem to be so serious in me,

I doubt he will ever be.

But slowly you know, I'm starting to vanquish those extreme feelings for him.

The only thing I can't stand is he is just so super sexy, cute and successful.

HURHHH

Well, at least I'm staring to feel I really have feelings for Fran.....

Europe, here I come.

2009-03-01T20:43:00.000-08:00

Munich, Germany

Beautiful Acropolis, Greece

France - Paris, Eiffel Towel

Exotic Croatia

Exquisite Austria

Trevi Fountain, Italy- Rome

Ah, the wonders of Europe.

People who know me well should know how much I adore anything european.

Be it european influenced sculptures,

european countries with breath-taking sceneries,

The exquisiteness of europe with all the rich history and cultures.

european wine and champagne,

and of course european men.

haha.

I just find europe so much more exotic.

I told mum I wanted to travel europe,

she told me to dream on..

But mom let me tell you this, it will become a reality.

And I will make sure it will.

So Chris who came from Austria (yes the country where Hitler was born)

showed me a little of his homeplace with stunning pictures from his backyard.

I swore I was so enchanted when I saw the effects of the different seasons on the forest behind his backyard.

I so wished I could be in that place.

It was absolutely amazing.

Then I saw Jeroen's hometown in Belgium.

Fine the only thing I know is delicious Belgian waffles.

But he showed me the country side.

beautiful nature, more then what Brussels had....

Then Greece.

Oh Leonidas, I absolutely fall for that place.

Greece is not a place I want to go, but it is the place I will go.

Imagine, cruising around the beautiful Greecian Islands in my yacht.

hahaha okay I'm just dreaming about that one

But hell I want a man who owns a yacht

*drools*

Ah and France.

magnifique

Travelling down to Paris and seeing all these marvellous shopping escapade with nothing more then the word exquisite in one's mind.

And then of course go to Paris, Amsterdam <3

And, Germany.

A place I want to go to.

Apart from most of the friends I know who are German (and I adore German sausages)

I so want to see the historical places there.

I mean I was an avid historian.

I loved history lessons back in school.

And now I find it great because once I talk about history

men will stop taking me as a bimbo.

Like seriously, I'm glad I know a little of politics as well.

I mean I can't be talking about shopping all the time, can I?

Plus, not many men like to talk about the latest It bag from Prada,

Or discuss the ornamate designs Armani always have for Anne Hathaway.

I talked to Dave about the Darfur war and he was like...

"okay, you are definitely not blonde"

HAhahhhahha

Okay okay okay.

So some men asked me to go travelling with them.

Initally Jeroen asked me to go to an all expense paid trip with him (wth)

but unfortunately I was a little preoccupied.

Now, the love interest told me to go to Munich with him.

I would. If it's all on him

And he even asked me to go shopping with him..

Insisting to buy me a trenchcoat or fur coat

(I pick fur coat!)

and yes.

When I say some men actually went down to their knees and asked me to marry them.

I was kind of like........ 0.o

hahaha.

And they were european.

haah.

lovely lovely lovely indeed.

Attica-licious

2009-03-01T09:47:00.000-08:00

I really love Attica

Hello party people!

Anders, my Norwegian friend.

Party folks

And ladies having fun!! :D

Okay Suddenly I have the urge to blog about clubbing.

I miss it and I love the party culture so much!

(except the parents of course for complaining too much party isn't good etc)

But hell, whatever it is, I love it!

It's just one of those days you can dance to the music without even looking weird.

Or when you are given the oppurtunity to actually meet new people.

And I just love to socialise and make new friends, thats just me.

So many interesting people we meet in the clubs.

I met Jeroen and Fran there.

And guess what they are not those weird rapists mothers will always warn about if you go to a club and all (oh for god's sake!)

In fact they are successful, open minded people I would love to be around with.

Lauren and Syed met Jack and all at Tantric.

And they are all just having fun (which is the main point in life)

Interesting people they are.

I've met gays, lesbians, and some of them are even my own friends.

I mean some people, they just get paranoid when they hear "gay".

But once you've actually met and talked to people, you will know alot more then just being ashamed to be with them, which is crap because they really are very interesting and colorful.

no offence, but I am not the type of person who would stay at home all the time,

In fact I get sick.

I love Attica because of the diversity of crowds there.

Plus the age limit for men are 25 and above and thus, no "kids" hitting on you.

I'm not being arrogant (well maybe I am)

But guys younger then that probably won't have a more established career or mindset and I am just not the type who would actually hook up with teenagers.

Or locals.

Sorry.

This is the real world.

I want someone with just as much experience and a good ego-buster to be with me.

And of course stability.

What? Another boyfriend that asks money from me?

Fuck Off dude.

xxxx

Sunday Sunday Sunday

2009-03-01T09:03:00.000-08:00

It was extremely good to see you again.

Kind of miss you very much!!

So I catched up with this little friend of mine (fine he isn't so little after all)

Its nice you know..

We haven't seen each other for ages and now I finally get to meet him.

He has been going MIA for a while and decided to hang out with me.

Just so very happy to see him again!!

xoxoxo

So intially I asked him to go to KM8 with me

I haven't been there for too long (which was why I kept saying I wanted to go to KM8 so much)

ahhhhhhhhh....!

Sun, hot men, beautiful people, sarong, lychee martini...

I miss you too much!!!!!!

And yeah the rain had to spoil all the fun!

GRRR

In the end, me and him had nice prata and chicken curry (his favorite)

like we always do after a long day.

Then he told me in 2 weeks time he's off to Belgium for 5 weeks.

=.=

sigh.

And and and,

My love interest, told me to elope with him!

Ahhhhhssss.....

Well, I suppose by then I will be a step-mom.

Yes, he came back

2009-02-28T08:36:00.000-08:00

They say memories fade, but not for me.

To me, you are there in my mind almost all the time.

I think I am going crazy.

Its funny, there are so many people out there.

But, no matter who I am going out with,

Or who I am dating,

At the end of the day,

It is you I want so badly but I cannot reach.

You really are very special to me.

I just wished I had the courage to look deep in your eyes

And tell you how much I want you,

How much I'm starting to fall in love with you.

But this cowardly girl refuses to reveal what she feels deep inside.

She is scared.

I don't know how I will react when I see you again.

Perhaps this time I will tell.

Love

Butterflies in the stomach

2009-02-24T21:27:00.000-08:00

The other day, I met him.
I feel like I liked him alot.
He said the same thing towards me....
And he decided to introduce me to his daughter.

Beautiful daughter he has...
But it was really nerve recking just to meet his kids
(imagine his parents)
I couldn't say anything much, and neither could she.

I was scared she might see me as an intruder between she and her father.
They seem to be so happy together..
I was starting to imagine,
I hope she doesn't think I will be her evil step-mother.

My problem is I can't bond with children.
I don't know .
Really hope I can get along with her.
I like her dad.........

:-/

Fie

2009-02-23T08:04:00.000-08:00

I'm really feeling very foul at the moment.

I'm tired, I'm sleepy...

I'm pissed off....

ARGHHHHHHH.

Okay let me tell you what exactly happened today to me.

Went to work at 7am...

Ended at 12pm.

I thought things were gonna end early and I could at least go home and take a nap or go for tanning but I was so wrong.

At first it started becoming very cloudy (dang there goes the tanning sessions) and then bam! Rain!!

Pfft..

"Fine," I thought.. perhaps I can just fall asleep...

But no...

I remembered at the very last point when I was about to shut my eyes, that I had to pay my Advertising Sub paper fee... Otherwise I can't take my exams and then they will hold on to my certificate much longer....

Then I realised while I was searching for the Examination results slip (which I needed for verification in order to pay up) that IT WAS MISSING.

My room was literally like a Karang Guni's man.

I tell you, I shook the whole room to the extent it looked like it was the aftermath of an Earthquake..

And I still couldn't find it!!!

It took me for an hour... I swear I saw some really old clothes I was searching for ages ago under my bed.....Geez..

So anyway... It turned out that I had completely stashed the slip in my Shoe closet -.-"

Wow Fie, very smart of you. It was hidden under all that heels I had.

Had to travel all the way to Queenstown to pay up.

Damn.... Discovered half way through the journey home I was starting to feel slightly feverish..

Fuck.. been ages I actually fell sick....

********

Being Fie, I hardly get so much rage and frust.

I'm actually more relaxed and laid-back.

But you know people have their limits.

I thought growing older would give me more chances of knowing the world.

Who knew, some people just won't allow me to so.

I'm sorry, I don't live in a cage.

I like to be free.

It really hurts when someone tells you to change.

They might say its for the better, but what if you absolutely love what you are doing?

It is your life anyway.

You see the more you try to block the water gushing out from the hose,

The more pressure and damage it will create.

Friends.

Daniel told me that only a few can be true, decent friends,

And the others are just.... sometimes insignificant in your life.

I'm just disappointed in some of my friends.

Really trusted you.

Really loved you.

But you choose to stab us in the back.

It's alright, we know.

And we are just disappointed.

So much for being your first few friends.

Look what happens now.

We are just a passing fad in your life.

It's such a pity.

We thought you knew a whole lot more.

It's sad.

Feels like you were already long gone..

And, I don't know Nadya, I guess deep down I'm just as vulnerable.
Really, just so sad.
I just need to get back in track.
Met too much people I'm actually bored.
(But that is never going to stop me from clubbing though)
I really just want to settle down at the moment.

=)

Him

2009-02-20T11:16:00.000-08:00

I saw this man.
So charming, so mysterious, so distant.

Men watched me, wanted to touch me, wanted aproached me.
But this man, there he was just standing in the corner
just watching everyone.

His eyes, so dreamy, yet emotionless..
There was something about him.
Something I wanted to know more.
Something about him.

I fixed my eyes on him, even when he wasn't looking.
I watched him as he stood there alone.
With nothing but a blank gaze in his eyes,
He looked to me.
And I looked back.

I knew he was watching my every move there.
All I could do was look back into his eyes,
Before I knew it, we were just looking into each other's eyes.
Oblivious to anyone around.

His eyes speak of mysteries,
A look so blank, yet full of intimacy.
A look so blank, yet full of sadness.
A look so blank, yet full of strength.

Who was this man?
It's so hard to decipher him from just looking at him.
So many untold stories hidden beneath those eyes.

He was the one I noticed after the weeks of breakdown with the one man I have fallen for whom I know I can never get.
I missed him so much until now.
But these untold cries, he cannot hear.
I loved him, so much.
My heart beats for him when he smiles, I go crazy.

Then along came this man.
His gaze just seem to make my heart beat like it used to,
His body against mine,
The feeling that was long gone is found.
Could this be a remedy to my long foretold heartache?
Could this be a cure?

Perhaps.

I really wish so.
For this heart aches so bad for him.
I'm tearing up thinking about the way I spent the days with him..
Everything in the world reminds me of him and could not help but to trigger sweet memories......

Please I hope this man,
And I really do want,
This man,

To cure me
To bring me away
From these torturous memories,
Flashbacks.
Longingness.....

I see a possiblity

When the game is played, lust and desire will never fade.

2009-02-13T04:57:00.000-08:00

Broke up with two of my last boyfriends, with nothing more the the words "We're Over."

I've met different people, people asking me out and some I even rejected. Women can get men in a snap of their fingers, but someway, somehow you just succed in making me fall into a deep trance.

I can't seem to get over you and move on like I always do.

You are like an addiction;

I want you and I need you.

I want you bad.

This headstrong, determined lady can't help but to think you are the one.

The one this soul has always been looking for.

My heart sinks in an empty bottemless pit,

Unaware of when and how it will crash.

It beats rigorously with every sight of you,

Anxious, excited.

Once, I thought you will probably go away from my life,

considering the circumstances we both share.

But, you came back knocking,

Just as I was about to leave.

Oh the Gods of Mercy, please just once,

Let me devour this Forbidden Fruit.

For I crave for it

For I beg for it.

Whatever happens, happens.

I just want him bad.

This infatuation will only grow stronger in his absence.

I crave for him.

I beg for him.

I want him bad.

Funny as it seems,

I thought I can play the game,

But now,

Cupid's playing the game on me.

For when I look in your eyes, I see bliss.

beyond any words can describe.

I want you.

And I want you bad.

Forbidden Love

2009-02-10T13:10:00.000-08:00

Love has no boundaries.

Age, race, religion, sex, status or language.

If you love someone, it means you would do anything just to see them, touch them or kiss them.

You know you like someone when you feel contempt with his/her presence,

when you can't stop talking about them, thinking about them.

But you'll know you love them when you care so much about them.

That feeling of pure joy and bliss when you are with them;

you feel that he/she is the one - for you.

And you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

But in this world, it is all about reciprocal liking.

Mutual attraction.

Love for each other.

What if the person that you love is someone you know you can never have?

He might be a married man with two children to feed,

and you are no one but a temporary object of desire for his needs.

What if he is a man of status, who wouldn't regard you as a serious partner because of your lower standards, worrying that you might actually affect his reputation?

What if you're born a staunch Christian and the love of your life happens to be a devoted Muslim?

You know one thing for sure - you know you can never get the love that you always wanted.

I'm writing this entry at about 5:38am, I can't sleep.

And you know I have problems with the family.

I think about you all the time.

All the time.

I talk about you all the time,

All the time.

I dream about you all the time,

All the the time.

And it hurts because I know this heart can never have your love.

Because we both know that it would be Forbidden.

In so many terms.

Who am I to you?

No body.

Am I just a call-up girl you need when you want someone?

Am I just another one of your flings?

I guess I am.

I'm trapped in this feeling.

I've tried to come to terms and forget this nonsensical emotions.

But you know, one thing is for sure,

I like you very much, so much.

I can't forget about you

I smile when I think of you.

But I know I'm not the one for you.

Even now this hard brittle heart is aching for you.

I miss you bad and I want you bad, but i guess some things aren't meant to be.

I can't seem to describe these notions I feel at the very moment.

But one thing is for sure, whether you can be with me or never be with me again,

I smile when I think of you.

I giggle to myself when I see flashbacks of you.

But oh the cruelty of this world.

I only hope I can smile, for long.

with love,

Fie

Imagine

2009-02-06T12:26:00.000-08:00

Here is a love story that is really happening to me. (with the future part just by imagining, other then that the internet lover and all; is actually happening)

I call it the Love Divided.

Here in the 21st century, love blossoms in any kind of way...
So what happens when you meet this guy from an internet dating site and after months of chatting and video calling you finally realize that he is the man you have been looking for all these while? You think of him everyday, you dream of him everyday and you cannot stop thinking about him.

But the only problem is distance.
He lives in a completely different continent as you.
However love persevere and the two teenagers promised to each other they would meet each other one day, even if they had their other halves.

Years fly by and the two cyber-love birds have grown into successful adults.
She was determined to see him and before long she managed to find herself in the beautiful land of Greece.

The only problem is, they both had their individual lover with them.
She was on a vacation with her fiancee..
She met her teenage lover, finally.
But the years have made the once young, good looking lad to a husband and father.

The long desire had drove the two completely insane for each other- why had someone so perfect be so out of reach throughout the years?

Their sinful temptation, lust and hidden love finally uncovered, they indulged in each other; cheating on their own responsibility and lovers.

All for their desire for each other that has been lingering for too long

Is it true love?

She had never felt so much for anyone.
She felt like she had finally discovered the broken piece of love she longed for all the years.
He was the one.
She never felt for someone like this before, not even her fiancee.
She loved her fiancee, but she felt that He was her true soulmate.

He could feel butterflies in his stomach when he sees her.
He feels insanely crazy about her all the time.
This woman he vowed to meet, despite the age and country, was there right infront of his eyes.
And he never wanted to let her go.
He has never felt so much for anyone before, no one.
He loved his family and would never trade anything for them, but he knew she was his soulmate.

Will true love conquer all, or will responsibilities and commitment take over?

I guess time will really tell the answer to that story of mine

Whatever

2009-01-31T23:08:00.000-08:00

The best thing for you to do is just to disown me.
I'm happy, you're happy.
Okay?
For now, I don't feel like I belong.
I only did what I feel happy in doing.
Still want to maintain good relationships..
but its so hard.

So I shall drift from you.
Whatever

And until the day I die.

2009-01-30T22:53:00.000-08:00

What people say, fuck you.
I will never, ever change myself.
I love my life.
I love my life.
I love my life.

Read my lips: I will never change till the day I die.

I don't listen to anyone of you.
I only listen to myself.
From ignorance to hatred.

Read my lips: I am capable of getting what I want and I WILL get it.

I'm a butterfly wanting to be free

2009-01-30T22:50:00.000-08:00

If you force your kid or somebody
to follow the strict code of rule of religion,
one day your kid will hate it.
Both you and the religion.
Trust me, because I know better.

Happy BB FF

2009-01-27T10:58:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to me!

Birthday: 2oth January

My birthday was a pleasant surprise and I had it celebrated with my best friends. Even though I couldn't organize the 'Dream Party' of the year (haha) I had it at another destination : Attica.

Oh you guys (my friends) can view it at my Facebook, tons of pictures so you guys can create a story outta it (it works that way in Facebook).

So anyway, Daniel got me this AWESOME pink Sony Cybershot T77 digital camera for my birthday!!!! (yeahhhhh!!!) and along with other cute and nice stuffs. Awww you guys, I love everything you do even though its not expensive.. Still love you! And mom thanks for the watch!! Even if it isn't expensive or branded, its alright, you have an awesome taste plus I really needed a watch! (As what my other friends said too).

Birthday wasn't a blast or whatsoever, but I was very delighted with the people who were there to give me some love...... xoxoxo

love you lotsa lotsa!

- I still can't and won't forget him

Un-break my heart

2009-01-22T07:53:00.000-08:00

wow, my heart is being pricked by needles.
Long, thick and venomous needles.

But just no tears would come to me.
I can't cry.
But this hurtful feeling is hurting so, so bad.

Why should I care?

2009-01-19T11:19:00.000-08:00

You will learn one day in your life that you should never give too much hope on something.

I am not in distraught after learning that there are just some things in life I can never get,

Just a little disappointed in myself.

It is not my fault though, just that it is reality.

After mingling with so many people and learning alot from people of different age, profession and nationalities; I must say it instilled a sense of maturity in this young girl.

Have you ever stopped and stared and reflected over what you had done in your life so far?

I had.

Good or bad, I know the mistakes that I have done.

I never regretted or wished I could turn back time.

So much bad memories leads to so much lessons learnt.

So much good memories turn out to be sweet chapters throughout my life.

I am so glad I have been exposed to so much in my life.

Thank you to each and everyone of you that had made such an impact in my life.

I am officially a year older, yet what is age really to you?

Is it just a biological component that you have based on your birthdate and a mere mathematical calculation since you were born on earth?

In Buddhism, they believe in reincarnation.

Whereby the soul of a human being is 'recycled' by means of a new body.

Yet, the soul is still the soul...

same personality, behaviour; regardless of age, race or religion.

I have read a couple of articles, interesting articles regarding love and friendships that cross the borders of age.

Have you ever heard of an 80-year-old woman marrying a 40-year-old man?

or have you heard of a 18-year-old lady being with a 70-year-old man?

I am sure you have, yet these stories are considered controversial because it is not a common practice.

Age does plays a part in terms of professionals like work etc..

and it does play a large role in the law.

Different people have different perspective in this topic..

I rest my case.

Love for me

2009-01-18T07:55:00.000-08:00

I'm through with loveI'll never fall again

Said adieu to loveDon't ever call again

For I must have you or no one

That's why I'm through with love

I've locked my heart

I keep my feelings there

I have stocked my heart

Like an icy Frigadere

For I need to care for no one

That's why I'm through with love

Why did you lead me

To think that you cared

You didn't need me

For you have your share

Of slaves around you

To hound you and swear

Their deep devotion

Emotion

Goodbye to Spring

And all it meant to me

It could never bring

The things that used to be

For I must have you or no one

That's why I'm through with love

Marilyn Monroe/Diana Krall

I'm thru with love

2009-01-09T09:59:00.000-08:00

Officially, I said I hated God.

Sudan, sudah

2008-12-30T18:25:00.000-08:00

Jinjawid troops

A Darfur woman, pain beyond words.

What did these kids do to deserve this??

How vile and cruel can humans be?

Recently I read a couple of articles regarding the Sudanese Civil war for my graduation project.
I am doing an editorial about the Darfur Rape and the failure of the government protecting their own citizens.

First and foremost let me talk to you about the Second Sudanese war.

It is the war between South and North Darfur, Sudan.

The natives of Darfur, or the blacks, occupy South Darfur whereby oil and other natural resources are ample.

Unlike the Northern Darfur, which consisted most of Arabs, were situated nearest to the desert.

Conditions were harsh and there was no form of fertility in the grounds.

Intrigued by South Darfur's resources, the Arabs wanted to seize control of the Southern grounds for their personal gains.

Because the Blacks were nomads living and they perceived them as vulnerable beings.

The first outrage happened when in 1955 after decolonization from the British, the Northern had failed to uphold a federal system.

When the North wanted to uphold Islamicization, the Sharia' law was born and thus many harsh and cruel punishments that includes amputations, clogging etc was carried out even to non-muslims.

Okay and all these led to war one way or another you guys can read it at Wikipedia for more information =)

My point is the Darfur rape involved the women in the South.

Many of which so vile and inhumane it made me want to burst into rage.

The Jinjawid or Northern Arab Army rape women whenever they want to in order to get rid of the black population from the South.

Rape is a heinous act in Sudan and these women often get disowned by their own family when they are raped, even though it happened out of their own will.

Should they report it, they will get imprisoned instead for pre-marital or unwanted sex.

There are stories in which a woman who was pregnant with the child of her rapist was imprisoned with some 23 other women in a cell and was forced to give birth to their babies without any sanitary hygiene. Worst, they have to give birth to their babies themselves without any help.

Husbands disown their wives who are raped and these women have no choice but to live outside by themselves without any help at all. They become outcasts... for what? For a crime they did not choose to do?

Many women are raped when they go out to carry out their daily routine in life such as bring back firewood, washing of clothes, bringing back water etc. Even when they walk in crowds these Jinjawid bastards rape each and everyone of them....! Even children!

A story account of a women going out to bring back water with 3 other women.

All of them have been gang-raped and abducted.

A girl aged 8 was abducted together with them but was released even later then the older women from the Jinjawid.

Paedeophile bastards!

There are more horrific stories of the rape in Darfur and here are just a small account i read from the Amnesty International Report.

You can search for Darfur rape and you will know what I mean.

These people make a shame for 'Islamicization'.

Although I am one myself, I can understand why many describe Islam as a 'terrorist' religion.

The fact is these ridiculous irresponsible people use Islam for their own benefits and in God's teaching I know Islam is about moderation.

I may not be as religious but I still have no tolerance for these extremists who toture people and this is clearly out of Islam's teachings.

Think about Muslims worldwide... do you think they deserve the discrimination they face just because power-obssesed individuals use Islam as a reason for their war?

Same goes to many other religions.

What if a group of people misintreprete the true meaning of your religion by giving the world negetive ideas about your God's teachings and thereafter assume you are just as bad, just because of the bad publicity of your religion?

Isn't the world a better place to live when there is tolerance for each other be it race, religion, culture etc?

Why can't countries resolve their problems in a peaceful way and how much has the United Nations done to protect these inflicted countries when its people are dying by the mere seconds?

Think about it.

Is it you?

2008-12-22T11:09:00.000-08:00

You are miles and miles away..
Yet I always feel your presence.
I look at your photos and my heart beated away.

When I am in rage or distress,
I just looked at your face....
Nothing can desccribe how peaceful I felt after.

Help, I can't stop thinking of you!
I can't stop dreaming of you!

But I am thankful I have a high tolerance level.

I will always be patient for your arrival baby...

I can't wait to see you again!

Even so I will earn that dream and work for it.
Trust me, I promise you I will be there infront of your eyes.

Hugging you and never letting you go..

because you feel so right...

Is this love?

I will wait for you, no matter what.

Just another thought.

2008-12-22T10:53:00.000-08:00

Don't you understand that I need my space?

That I am not always there for you and sometimes I need myself as well?

And then, you reprimand people for doing things they do?

I tend to take things seriously when I am in no mood.

Nonetheless the least you can do is leave me alone.

Instead you threw oil in the fire!

You maybe malay!

But I NEVER had issues with race when I am with friends!

WAKE UP

you say I am being immatured... WTH.

think again.

I doubt I am.

In fact I AM NOT as immatured as you always say I am.

I can be there for you no doubt.

but I can't be wonderwoman.

I have my life as well.

Do not tell me what to do

and what not to do.

Sigh

I shall not say a word.

Leave it blank for a while. ____

Fine, rest assured if you really want to break it off, fine.

grrrrr

I am leaving my mind to rest in peace!

Just a thought

2008-12-17T11:41:00.000-08:00

A weekend escapade to the world's most beautiful beaches.
The first touch with a man I dream of everyday.
The kiss I can never get.

I am here waiting.

I miss travelling!

2008-12-10T06:56:00.000-08:00

Camwhore
I miss this restaurant in Hong Kong!!!

ROME

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

(and dee's fav ex president of us!)

Hong Kong again!

Hong Kong. ( forgot that place's name)

Autumn + Spring collide

In Singapore

Deutshland! Hail Hitler! hehe

HONG KONG!

I miss travelling!

I miss the coldness in those countries :P

I miss Hong Kong's delicious Tim Sums

I MISS IT ALL!

Journalism

2008-12-08T09:05:00.000-08:00

Ok I have officially completed my journalism studies! (I kinda like Journalism)
One of my favorite topics in Journalism is Media manipulation

Suppression of omission, attack and destroy target, labeling, Preemptive assumption, framing, slighting of content,face-value transmission, learning never to ask why and false balancing.
You will learn in our next lesson that the media is exploited in a way you can never think of.
All thanks to Michael Perenti.

I am going to do Journalism on my Graduation Project

And the topic of discussion will be an editorial about the corruption in Africa.
Extreme poverty in Africa has caused many organisations such as United Nations to come around and help the people in need. Corruption in the African political system has caused a much debate on whether the government is providing more on the people or to serve their own community instead.
I would pretty much like to do an investigative journalism (if I so had the money!!)
And travel to Africa and see these on a first hand basis.
It may be delirious yet at the same time ambitious
but if I am interested I wouldn't mind at all.

At least it sounds like I can uncover and learn new things rather than copy and paste text. It may be an easy task but I know sometimes I love to work. Who knows I can identify some conspiracy here and there....

Initially I had the idea of doing a commentary about Rising number of HIV/AIDS and homosexuality, but I guess that idea is too cliche. I'm thinking of doing something I will get interested in and probably make good use of that one month to do a work that even I can be impressed with.

The thing about me is that I get ambitious sometimes.....

So corrupted African politics it is.
political tyrants, misleaded leaders, financial meltdowns.

This can be interesting..